The Life We Imagine

And It's Not a Train

2011-02-16T23:49:00.004-06:00

Well, hello there. I’ve clearly been MIA from the blog world for awhile now, but I’m back! We have been back home as a family of 4 for 10 months now and a lot has happened. I’m not going to fill you in on every trip, excursion, holiday, struggle, battle, tickle war, and basketball game, but I will give you the highlights and let you know how Blaise and his new family have adjusted. This is a very long post—settle in! (It’s also largely unedited—please don’t judge or show my college students!)
I’m not going to lie, it has been a long, challenging time of my life. It has really been the last week that I finally realized that things are “normal” now. This finally feels like we’re just living life, not surviving. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had tons of fun and plenty of life in the last 10 months, but the underlying struggle has been there. I realize now that this struggle has been the reason I haven’t posted here. Sure I’ve been busy, but I still am, I just didn’t know what to say or how to say it. But now I am convinced that the light at the end of the tunnel is, in fact, not a train.
In the interest of transparency, and for the benefit of other adoptive families who read this, I am going to copy here the post that I wrote shortly after we were home. You will catch a glimpse of how I was feeling then:
Well, hello. It’s been awhile; a long, long while. Blaise has been home for 3 months now, and it has been pretty much nothing like we planned/expected/read about/anticipated/etc. A great deal has been going on in our lives, so I think I’ll just hop from thing to thing in a random order bound to frustrate you all. This is what you all get for asking me to update the blog in the midst of the mess that is our life right now!
Immediately after returning home, our first order of business was to throw Brooks his Star Wars birthday party which he was so gracious about having postponed when Mommy decided to jet to Africa on a 2-day notice. This was also the first time many of our family and friends met Blaise. Brooks had a great time, and Blaise convinced just about every person that had him to give him another Capri Sun and so single-handedly consumed the majority of the party drinks.
As anyone who knows us knows, we seldom sit around the house on the weekend, so here are some of our first weekends home:
Blaise’s first trip to the beach and to La King’s for Ice Cream and Lemonade
Old MacDonald’s Farm
Fountains in The Woodlands with cousins Lance and Karlyn
Mother’s Day: Baby Dedication and the Zoo
The Museum of Natural Science
The Children’s Museum
First trip to the Lake House
Kemah
Galveston Duck Tours

Brooks has also been playing t-ball for the first time. For any of you who’ve experienced 4-5 year olds playing organized sports for the first time, you know how this experience went! The “highlight” of our season came when Brooks had been continually asking when he could play football instead of baseball. So, about half-way through the next t-ball game, Brooks took off and de-cleated the runner between 2nd and 3rd! I guess he was serious about wanting to play football.

So, this is what we’ve been doing. How are we all adjusting? Very well, very badly, which day is it? The truth is that it has been very difficult. I hope you enjoyed all those happy stories, but I’ve been honest on this blog to this point and for families coming after us, our experiences are important images of the realities once you come home.
For those of you who aren’t fellow adoptive families, let me tell you some things NOT to say to families who’ve adopted a child:
1) “Well at least you got him the easy way; you didn’t have to go through child birth.” Let me tell you as someone who went through pregnancy, gave birth to a 9lb 11 oz child, and nursed him for almost 2 years—adoption is not the “easy way.” Especially when your new child comes as an almost 3 year old. God made babies cute and cuddly for a reason--It’s so that by the time they turn into 2 and 3 year olds they’ve stored enough credits in your “love bank” to carry them though temper tantrums, potty training, defiance, etc. When you start at that age you have to make an intellectual decision to love your child. You have to decide that you love him and refuse to think otherwise until you feel it completely.
2) “All toddlers/preschoolers do that; He’s no different.” Yes, he is. No, I can’t always explain why, but he just is. You can’t have it both ways. Either all the prenatal care, infant care, developmental toys, stimulating music, skin-to-skin contact, specially formulated baby foods, one-on-one language time, tummy time . . . matter or they don’t. Either all that that “we” do for our children here has a positive effect on our children or we’re just wasting our time. I say that to say that from the time Blaise was an infant, he had little to none of that. And not for 6 months or a year like some of the children who’ve been adopted but for almost 2 ½ years of his life. So, yes, while almost any mom can say, “ Oh, my son does that all the time” I’ve parented one very spirited, high-needs child through his 2-4 years, somehow Blaise is just different. There are the moments when he just “checks out.” I can look in his eyes and it’s like he’s gone—withdrawn. His constant defiance is so much more calculated than the “normal” child’s. I think it is also the fact that without exaggerating I can say that there are days on days when 99 out of 100 things I say (and know are comprehended) are deliberately disobeyed. Blaise literally runs around touching, kicking, pulling, pushing, throwing anything he can get his hands on—over and over and over. He knows which things make you the angriest and he goes back to them day after day after day. Furthermore, and this is SO important, during the first year or two with your child, you come to know them so intimately. You know what each cry means; you know when you’re being “played” and when you’re really needed. You know when to come running in the night and when to wait. You know when hungry means hungry and when it really means tired. You just know what to do. You know where it hurts and how to make it better. You know each traumatic experience; each little fear; each little anxiety and you can protect and shelter accordingly. You don’t know that when you adopt a non-infant. It is really, really hard; and can really make you feel inadequate.
3) “Do you regret it at all now?” or “Are you second guessing your decision?” SERIOUSLY? Did you ask that to the mom at whit’s end because her colicky baby won’t stop crying? Or the parent whose teenager is about to become a parent? Or, the parent of the pre-teen who just got caught smoking pot? Or, how about the parent whose child is disabled and requires non-stop care? All children have challenges; ours are no different no matter how they joined our family.
4) “Can you sign up to bring a meal to *****? They had a baby while you were gone” Yes, because I just got back from a spa week on the beach. I’m more than willing to help others, but please remember that adopting is a life change as well. A 4 week trip abroad to adopt a 2 ½ year old doesn’t exactly leave me fully recouped and ready to sign up for meals—and asking discounts the adoption experience and trials.

Let me add one more disclaimer before I go on. Before you all criticize me for talking badly about my child for the world to see, understand how important this is for those in the adoption world. Most of you can’t and won’t ever really understand this experience, we need each other. This is for them. Furthermore, Blaise is not to blame for what he has gone through or who that has made him. While I have an incredibly hard time remembering that about 250 times a day, this is in no way saying that he is a “bad” child. He is a damaged, bruised child and it is our job to fix him.

So, here is a snap shot of what we’ve learned and are experiencing with Blaise.

Physically: We took Blaise to The Texas Children’s Hospital’s International Adoption clinic. It has been a very good experience. We are so blessed that Blaise is very healthy. He had 3 intestinal parasites which we believe are all completely treated. He was also suffering from minor malnourishment, according to WHO standards. He is very small for his age but because the orphanage misplaced his growth records we won’t be able to tell for a while if this is just because he’s small or if he has a growth issue. Though Blaise is small for his age he is very physically adept. While I was at the orphanage I witnessed many children pulling of feats of climbing that would have sent parents here into a panic, I think this lack of restraint also led to Blaise’s ability to do more than a child here of the same age. He also shows a great deal of eye hand coordination and picked up hitting a ball off a tee and dribbling the soccer ball without any instruction. He flips and sommersalts with ease and without fear. In fact, aside from being in the pool itself (he’ll chill on a float all day), he is fearless. He actually fell asleep on the back of the jet ski at the lake! I know I’m biased, but Blaise is beautiful. I am stopped often by people telling me how beautiful he is. He has huge eyes framed by lashes that curl so far back that they make a loop. His skin is dark and smooth. He really is adorable!

Eating: At first, Blaise ate everything placed in front of him` (and me and Chris and Brooks). He was highly insulted that people would leave food behind on the floor of restaurants and the airport and made desperate attempts to eat whatever he could find. Now, he methodically picks through every piece of food to make sure nothing green has snuck in. He refuses 2 out of every 3 meals, and has been known to scold me “Mooooommmmmyyyyy” when I serve something he doesn’t like. Though this can be frustrating, I think overall it makes us happy. He can leave food behind because he knows there will be more tomorrow. He used to stand at the gate to the kitchen and cry and throw himself around because he was so upset that I was cooking and it wasn’t ready yet. One of the first nights home, after having a huge knock-down, drag-out tantrum over going to bed, he finally fell asleep and I noticed his hand was clutched. I thought he was tense from the tantrum and tried to relax his hand but found that through it all he had managed to hold on to a last bit of his snack. He still holds the last little bite of a favorite treat, barely nibbling it for as long as we’ll let him, but he doesn’t do it at every meal—and that is good.

Sleep: Well, we just had to do away with naps. Frankly, the theatrics at night and the frustration I felt every nap and every bedtime were doing nothing to foster a connection between us, so now he doesn’t nap and goes down relatively easily at night. We’ve had a new development this week, he’s been crying in his sleep. A sad sort of quiet sobbing. I am usually so tired at night that it is probably good that we’re all in one room and I can’t give in to the temptation to let him cry it out—I’m sure he would, I imagine that that lonely cry is somewhat common at night in the orphanage. Anyhow, I can sometimes soothe him by patting him, sometimes I bring him to bed and hold him. I don’t know what it is, I think it’s because he’s been having a rough week. I’ve been yelling; he’s been pushing; we’re all stressed out (more on that later). It’s been one of those weeks he’s been “checked out” on me a lot of the time—he’s just not been here this week; he’s walled in right now. But, it’ll work out.

Manipulation: The orphanage for “older” children is a survival of the fittest sort of place. Blaise has many different cries, but now that I’ve come to recognize it, his manipulative “pitiful” one is the most obvious. It is NEVER used on me alone. It is used exclusively when someone else is around and I have disciplined him or told him no. He uses it on grandparents, waiters, store associates, etc. It involves a slight roll of his big eyes, while still maintaining eye contact, a very big, slow tear rolling down the cheek and a choking sort of quiet sob. It draws crowds.

Defiance: I could list many instances, most of which are fairly common, and Brooks did his fair share. I’m not sure what the difference is. I think it lies somewhere in the reasons for the defiance. He never has any reason for doing it. He doesn’t want something or not want something; he just doesn’t want to obey. I think maybe it’s an extreme version of negative attention is still attention. I got to thinking the other day that logically you would think that a child who had gone from one over a hundred children to one of two children would be overwhelmed with attention, but it’s not like that. It’s like he’s so starved for attention that he wants more, more, more whatever he has to do to get it.

Empathy: Perhaps one of the most upsetting things to deal with for me personally has been Blaise’s startling lack of empathy—for physical or emotional distress. He just doesn’t care if someone else cries or is hurt. He even seems to think the reaction he gets by causing pain is funny. I think this comes from 2 sources. First of all, Blaise has a remarkably high tolerance for pain. He just does not seem to feel pain. Therefore, I think he doesn’t get what it means for something to hurt. Secondly, the adoption doctor explained that many behaviors which we think of as being innate human characteristics are actually learned behaviors. A child learns to care when someone else cries or is hurt because someone always cares when he cries or is hurt. If the vast majority of your cries go unheeded, you stop crying and tell everyone else to suck it up as well. Interestingly, Blaise is learning to be “hurt.” He will trip or bump something and I’ll watch him start to go on with his business and then stop and run to me holding the wrong arm and saying “ow” and get a kiss. The more he gets sympathy, the more he’ll be able to empathize with those around him.

Attachment: We have also been very fortunate that Blaise has been very willing to attach to us. He is a physically affectionate child and enjoys cuddling, wrestling, being carried. He exhibits classic signs of attachment like checking in with me at the playground, and I was super happy when he cried after I dropped him off at the nursery one day. He is also very attached to Brooks aka “Bubby.” From very early on Blaise would overcome his natural inclinations to hoard a treat or sticker, and while he won’t share, he waits to make sure Bubby is getting one too.

Siblings: Brooks and Blaise get along like siblings. Brooks has had a hard time at moments, but we all have. At one point, Brooks looked at me and said, “Blaise just makes everything so much harder.” And really, it’s true. Right now he does. But, there are also times when Brooks says something like, “I really am starting to love Blaise.” Brooks defends Blaise and tries to negotiate his punishments—unless he’s being punished for touching his stuff. Blaise copies Brooks and sings himself to sleep with the Star Wars theme. They fight; they play; they’re brothers. I’m pretty sure that this has to do with the amount of “bossing” that Brooks does, but I’m not sure Blaise doesn’t think of Brooks as another grown-up. He’ll ask Brooks to carry him around the house; he’ll insist that Bubby put on his shoes, etc. If Bubby doesn’t have a potty seat then neither will Blaise even if he falls right in! Last night I came to bed much later than everyone else and Blaise was already in our bed because he had started crying and Chris moved him in with us. Somewhere around 3:45 when Chris was getting up, Brooks came to bed as well. I kind of jumped awake when I realized they were both in bed because I immediately thought I needed to separate them—they are both kickers. So, I sat up to get between them and found Brooks spooned around Blaise holding him in his arms. I let them stay that way.

Discipline: Spanking doesn’t work; we’re not good at it for one and for two, he just plain doesn’t care. I think it’s the pain thing; we might as well be tickling him. Time-out works at times. Blaise likes stickers. So, one thing that works is giving him a bunch of stickers on his shirt and then taking them for infractions. The main thing for us to overcome is that limits of any kind are a foreign concept to Blaise. I asked a nun what sort of discipline they used; she shrugged and said, “Well, when there are so many . . .” It’s just logical that when you are one of many, a sure fire way to get attention is to cause trouble—the squeaky wheel. We just have to find the energy to give the attention all the time so he knows he doesn’t have to cause trouble to get it. The problem is that there are honestly days where the opportunities for positive reinforcement are limited. You all don’t have to be too worried about me or the children yet, but it makes me think that some of the crazy people you see on the news actually thought they were making rational discipline decisions when they did something crazy. But when you sit there thinking that if they only made little, bitty handcuffs you could leave the room for 2 minutes without hearing someone scream or something crash—I’m just saying . . .

Language: As we expected, Blaise’s language acquisition has been remarkable. If I had to place him on the scale of other children I’d say he’s about a year behind—more like 2 than almost 3. His first sentences after “I wub you” were “There’s the ___________” and “Where’s the ____________” The blank was often filled in by a name “Where’s the Daddy?” He has words for most of the common objects around us; he forms his own sentences “Open Trash” “Shoes On, go Bye-Bye Motocar.” He demands “kisses” says “enough tickle” and, unfortunately, as mastered “Mine” and “NO!”

Personality: Blaise is overall happy and energetic. One aspect of his personality that might be related to needing to be heard in the orphanage is his volume. The kid is LOUD! Happy or sad; there is no inside voice. He does not notice or react to television unless it is music or dancing. He is a great problem solver. He works out problems, obstacles, child-safety latches, etc with apparent ease. Blaise is very cute to watch when he is proud of an accomplishment. For instance, the other day he was playing at the train table and he clearly had it in his mind to make the longest train possible. After he successfully strung together a whole line of trains, he let out a joyful, “Mommy!” and flung his arms out to the sides to show the size of his train and the propped them on his hips and threw out his chest. He has very good fine motor skills; my mom noticed the other day that he was holding his crayon properly and he’d never been told. This, I think, is an example of one of the quirkiest things about Blaise and something that I think he is doing as a way to adapt to his new, completely foreign surroundings. He mimicks. He stops every now and then and watches someone on t.v. and then walks, dances, or motions just like them. One day Chris and the boys were walking around his parents’ pond. Chris was getting exasperated because Blaise kept stopping. Finally, he looked at him and realized that every time Blaise passed a garden statue he was posing exactly as the statue. At the zoo, he did a comical interpretation of a giant goose cleaning her feathers with her beak. Now, why he wouldn’t mimick the other 20 children listening nicely at library story time is another question . . .

So, that’s it in a nutshell. Do I regret anything? Nothing except not being more prepared before we came home with Blaise. But I’d be lying if I said that life was not a lot easier 4 months ago. Going from 1 to 2 children is always hard; when number 2 comes running around with a mind of his own and a hard history—WOW! Our life is nothing like it was before. I miss my routines with Brooks; I miss the ability to focus all my attention on one child; I miss being able to have more than a 5 minute conversation in passing with Chris; I miss not doubting my ability to do things right; I miss knowing every in and out of my child’s emotions; I miss my “old” life, but I embrace my new one. I love Blaise and know that he was meant to be in our family. We will struggle, but we’ll be fine.

On the lighter side, the other day I found Blaise walking around the living room muttering over and over, “Don’t touch the wee wee. Don’t touch the wee wee.” I was wondering what lesson Brooks was trying to teach his brother when I realized he was referring to the admonishment he hears at least 5 times a day, “Don’t touch the Wii!”

So, is anything else going on with us? Well. Yes. As most of you know, we’ve been living in Chris’s parents’ pool house since mid-December waiting for our home in Tulsa to sell. We are so blessed to have a place to stay, but it is a little crowded! We finally received an offer on our Tulsa home last month. So, with a July 6th closing date, we headed to Tulsa with the boys to pack. We arrived at 2 am Friday morning and spent all day packing what was still unpacked in the house. Then we drove the boys to Bartlesville for a last trip for Brooks and a first trip for Blaise to Kiddie Park. We packed more on Saturday morning and picked up the moving truck. When we assumed we could move with one truck because we did the last 2 times we kind of forgot that the last 2 moves had not included all of our furniture. This was the first time we had all our stuff in one place for a move. So, after four hours and a very full truck and a still full house, we gave up and headed to Incredible Pizza with the boys. The next morning we went to pick up another truck from the Budget location which was supposed to be open but apparently decided to close for the 4th of July. We found a truck at U-Haul and loaded it up. During this time Brooks was laying on an air mattress saying he didn’t feel good. He obviously was not getting the attention he normally would, so when I did go check on him and feel him I got very concerned and went to buy a thermometer—104.8! So, it’s Sunday, July 4th, no choice but the ER. Did I mention that not everything fit on truck number 2? So, Brooks and Chris head home in Budget truck with no A/C, my mom flies in from Houston at 10 am. We load a trailer and she, Blaise and I head out at noon. 7 ½ hours later we’ve made it as far as Ennis after I hit one other truck with my 26’ U-Haul and got a phone call informing me that our Tulsa sale was not going to close. Therefore, our new home cannot close; therefore, these trucks must now be unloaded into storage. At press time a July 6 closing date is looking like a July 21 closing date. If it doesn’t close by then, we will probably have to put it back on the market and spend some more time in the pool house!

We also went to Arkansas this weekend for the Wallace family reunion. We went into Little Rock on the way there to play at the Children’s museum and the River Market playground. The reunion was great and we had the amazing opportunity to go up in helicopter rides.

We have way too much to be grateful for to complain, but Chris is working very long hours, I’m trying to make the most of what’s left of the summer, and we desperately need some closure to our living situation. A sense of permanency and routine are hard to come by when it’s always just a couple weeks until another big change. Hopefully my next post will be full of how we wrapped up the summer and got settled in to our new home! Thanks for your patience in waiting for this post and in reading it all if you made it to the end!

So, as you can see, the first months home were rough. Since that post Brooks has started Kindergarten where he is doing so well. It was a very emotional experience for me to send him to school. I (and many others) ducked my head and cried walking out that day as his teacher physically held him back from running back to me. But, since then he has excelled. I think realizing how much he knew of the “academics” already made him feel very confident. He has also met many friends and has learned all those social skills that he was never really exposed to before. Though he certainly continues to test us at home, he has made it this far through the year never having to “move his clip” (the discipline system). He has also started karate and he is excelling. He tests this weekend for his Tiny Tiger yellow belt. He attends Henderson’s ATA and I cannot say enough good things about the program there. He also completed his first season of Upwards basketball at our church, Woodridge Baptist. He had fun and it was a great opportunity for him to be exposed to the sport. He is turning into a big boy. I miss the baby sometimes, but I’m so proud of who he is growing up to be. There are days I’m down-right resentful of having to take him to school, but I know that this growing up thing is something he has to do.
Now, about Blaise—much of what I wrote before is still true. He is an intense, active child. He is challenging and willful. He is a “typical” 3 year old multiplied times 100. But something very important occurred to me—the good is multiplied by 100 as well! His laughs are that much bigger; his hugs are that much tighter; his smiles are that much brighter; his love is that much more intense.
We tried to start Blaise in Pre-K, but found that he wasn’t quite developmentally ready for that level of structure. This turned out to be a good thing because it has given me the chance to have the time with him like I had with Brooks. Of course, like many younger siblings, his goal in life is to be like “Bubby” so he wants to go to school. We’re working on counting and he made it to 5 the other day and declared himself ready for big boy school.
As I’ve mentioned, Blaise can be very stubborn. A couple weeks ago, I decided that come hell or high water, he was going to complete an entire 3 minute time-out. It took 8 hours and 50 minutes. I think our biggest challenge with Blaise is discipline methods. There are times I really wonder if the concept of cause and effect just hasn’t clicked with him. I can honestly say that I am very consistent with him, but he still does the same things over and over and acts surprised when he gets in trouble. So either I haven’t found the right things that really gets to him, or he just can’t get it yet. The hardest thing is that I worry about my ability to keep him safe. He doesn’t stop when he’s running into a street; a will stand up in the shopping cart if he’s in or climb on the side if he’s out (and, yes, he has tipped it over). He will touch hot and sharp objects and put things in his mouth over and over. So, baby proof, you say—frankly, he can get into anything anywhere he wants—he is that physically adept and clever.
Health-wise Blaise has continued to be very healthy. He has had ear infections and produces more snot than any child (or adult) I have ever seen. But other than that, he still has an incredibly high pain tolerance. It’s good and bad—we didn’t know about his ear infection until it was so bad he was sobbing uncontrollably. This week he tried to cut his own strawberries and sliced a deep cut into his finger. Until I found blood all over the house, I didn’t even realize he had been cut. The next day, he reopened the cut and didn’t say anything until again I noticed blood everywhere about the same time Chris put hand sanitizer in his hand—at which point he said, “Ow.” No tears, just, “Ow.” He is a great sleeper at bed-time, but unfortunately for night-owl mommy, pops up way to happily early in the morning and points to the window to inform me that it is morning.
Blaise’s speech is incredible. He is understandable and he makes very complex sentences. The other day in the car he said, “Look, Mommy, a helicopter! Oh! No, actually that is an airplane.” He likes to sing and did a fun rendition of the national anthem (it’s Brooks’s favorite song and Brooks can sing it perfectly). Blaise did pretty well himself. His favorite song in the car is “The Baby Song” which is what he calls “He’s got the Whole World in His Hands.” He also reasons very well. Not too long ago, I asked him why he was running in the kitchen (which isn’t allowed) and he replied, “Because I wasn’t walking!”
Just about the time I was becoming desperate to be able to resort to using the TV as a baby-sitter on occasion, we discovered that Blaise really likes Mickey Mouse Club House. In fact, when we went to the Hobby Center to see “Madagascar Live” last weekend, he clearly and loudly chimed in with “Oh Tootles!”
Blaise is a very charismatic little kid. He manages to charm everyone just enough to convince them to deal with his other tricks. He is certainly no people pleaser—he just wants to do his own thing. We just need to figure out how to tame him without breaking him.
As for other Pawlak news, we did finally move out of Chris’s parents’ guest house and into a new house in Kingwood. We were so blessed to have that place to stay for a year while we sold our home in Tulsa and then took our time getting adjusted to our expanded family. We’ve added a puppy, Pumpkin, to our family. Aside from that, we are just living life. It feels normal now. Maybe 10 months is a long time to adjust, but at least we’ve made it.
Truly through all of this, our family has been so helpful and supportive. I’ve relied on them more than I thought I would. I have needed the support of others in a way that I never did before. I needed our families; I need my oldest and best friend, Carolyn, and my newer confidant, Stephanie, and my always good friend, Nidia. I needed those little encouraging Facebook posts and emails from friends and acquaintances and old classmates that make me feel like I’m not messing this whole thing up. I needed the fun group of women I’ve met at church and and at Brooks’s school. All these people make me understand that I’m not alone.
Many of you have wondered at our experience as a bi-racial family. To be honest, it hasn’t been hard at all. At first I was self-conscious of our difference when we were out, but lately, I find myself perplexed when I notice someone staring at us—then I remember. No one at all has been rude. I had a good natured argument with a black woman at the children’s museum who loved Blaise’s hair but insisted that I had had it twisted. I informed her repeatedly that it grows like that—I pretty sure she didn’t believe me. I’ve corrected a few people who characterize him as African American. It just implies a different cultural distinction than the vast majority of African Americans. He’s Rwandese-American. Other than skin-color, most African Americans don’t share any more in common with him culturally than I do with a Russian. We did have a funny experience in the Alamo. Inside the Alamo (under the sign that said “no pictures”) a Chinese tourist asked to take a picture of me with Blaise. I guess we’re a novelty. I have loved the fact that children don’t question the color difference at all. At play areas, they don’t bat an eye as they tell Brooks to get his brother. They run to me to tell his mommy when he needs telling on. They just don’t have all those preconceived notions that we adults carry around. Oh for that innocence!
I’m going to put photo’s here as an album since we have so much ground to cover. I might not post as frequently as before, but I promise not to be a stranger.

Make a picture slideshow

Home Sweet Home! (Lots of pictures!)

2010-04-19T16:07:00.045-05:00

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. Blaise Pascal

Well, it's been awhile. The combination of unreliable Internet in Rwanda, non-existent Internet in Ethiopia and utter, complete exhaustion, have kept me from being able to post. I apologize to those of you who have been so faithful in your prayers for us; I have been remiss in updating you. So, I will attempt to give you an idea of the last few weeks and the completion of our adoption trip abroad. For starters, I opened this post with a quote from Blaise Pascal, who happens to be the person whose name inspired our son's name: Blaise Christopher Mugisha Pawlak. We decided to keep the portion of his name that was Rwandan--"Mugisha", which means blessing.

When I last posted I was waiting for the travel letter which would allow Blaise to stay with me full time. In the effort of full honesty for future adoptive families; I will say that I think I probably could have pushed a little harder and gotten the letter for the weekend, but I'm not sure I was confident I was ready. However, by the time the next week rolled around, I felt that the letter was being unnecessarily delayed as I had known Blaise for over a week at that time. So, I politely requested that I be allowed to wait for the letter instead coming back that afternoon. I explained that Blaise needed his Yellow Fever vaccination and I didn't feel comfortable taking him back to the orphanage after that shot since it could make him ill. And I explained that unlike the benefit of families giving a child a day or two to adjust before taking them for good, the confusion of going back at night for such a long time was beginning to have a marked affect on Blaise. Finally, when she asked me if I got the passport yet, I was able to remind her that I couldn't get the passport without getting the letter from them. Thankfully, I then had the letter in a matter of minutes. ***To future families: Please understand this, I am in NO WAY advocating strong-arming your way around MIGEPROF. They are very busy and very kind-hearted. Our case was the exception so far. We waited much longer for our referral than other families; I waited MUCH longer than other families for the travel document, etc. We were beyond blessed with the speed in which our case made it through the court, the embassy, and immigration. We just managed to be on the slow track a couple times at MIGEPROF. Here are some photos of my first day with Blaise.

So anyway, let me back up a little. We went to file for Blaise's passport at Rwandan immigration on Monday where they informed us that they wanted originals of everything. Peter said that before they had only required notarized copies. So, we had to come back Tuesday and file everything. Then I went to the US embassy to file everything I had and to speak with the consular about how to handle the fact that they were closed on Good Friday which was when I needed to file the passport. The US Consular, Jeanne??, was so helpful and so accommodating. She agreed to process the paperwork on Thursday which is not a US Citizen service day and even provided a letter for me to show to the passport office so that I could exert pressure to get the passport in only 2 days instead of 6. So, on Wednesday, after I thankfully got the travel letter, we returned to the passport office to add the travel document and embassy letter to our file. At this time another family I met was also filing their paperwork and asking that their passport be ready in 1 day so that they could also go to the embassy on Thursday. They had the gift of being a little more assertive than me--Thank you Heidi and Dave!--so I was able to "ride their coattails." I waited until they got their passport on Thursday morning and then calmly asked where mine was. I was told to come back that afternoon; to which I still politely, but slightly more forcefully, explained that that was not possible as I filed my papers before the last family and had the same appointments to keep. I got it in 20 minutes. I was proud of myself because I was also alone at this time with Blaise since Peter had to be out of the city that day. Desperation tends to embolden you. Overall, I will say that the Rwandan Immigration office was the most efficient place I saw in all of Africa outside of the US embassies.

From here I was able to make it to the embassy where everything went very well. At this juncture, Chris and I had to decide whether I was going to leave for Addis to process the Immigrant Visa right away and meet him there, after which we'd return to Rwanda for him to visit. Or, whether he and Brooks should come directly to Rwanda and then we'd all proceed to Addis after a few days in Rwanda. Though this was simpler, it made me nervous because if all didn't go well in Addis, Chris would have to leave to return to work and I'd be alone again. But, the airline made the choice for us as I couldn't get Blaise in a flight to Addis until the next week so we waited for them to join us.

We spent Blaise's first Easter at the church where Don Schulz is a missionary, whose wife Leia, runs the guest house out of their home where I stayed. (Sorry about that sentence I know it's bad and don't have the energy to fix it--you get it right?) Anyway, Easter was great with Baptism and Communion. I made plenty of little friends who would come up and rattle off "How are you? Fine, thank you. What a nice day. Thank you, teacher." Every now and then I'd feel little hands in my hair. It was a fun experience.

I'll pause here to tell you that the Beth Shalom was a wonderful place to stay. To some it seems too far away from the orphanage and town, but really Kigali is such a small city that it isn't much of a drive in. Also, her rates are so reasonable that you still come out ahead after you pay for cars. Leia fixes a great breakfast and for lunch and dinner you have a Bourbon Coffee, a Chinese restaurant, and an Italian place within walking distance. You are also supporting her work with the people of her congregation whom she trains and then helps secure positions for with other households. Leia is helpful and full of resources; she is eager and ready to host future adoptive families. Her website is:http://www.2020rwanda.com/

Moving along, about the time I couldn't wait another second, Chris and Brooks arrived on Monday afternoon. Don, from the guest house, and Peter, were along to photograph. It was a great first meeting and the first thing Brooks did in the car was to take Blaise's hand and show him how to do "Hook 'Em Horns." We stopped back at the guest house where we met up with our new friend, Mark, an American who lives in Rwanda with his Rwandese wife. He had been so generous to Blaise and I,taking us to lunch and shopping. He came load his truck with supplies for the orphanage. Thanks to all of you who sent money and goods for the orphanage. Aside from the items we brought with us: school supplies, tooth paste/brushes, baby dolls, soccer balls, hot wheels, toys, hopper balls, mega blocks, etc, we were also able to use money to buy medication, maize and bread flower, bath soap,detergent, powdered milk, and more. Leia helped me shop at the bulk market and then went with us to deliver it all.

Blaise and I with Mark at lunch after an afternoon shopping.

The brothers meeting & Daddy meeting Blaise

Brooks teaching Blaise the most important things in life.

Our first family picture and posing with supplies for the orphanage.

The nuns were kind enough to allow us to tour the entire orphanage and see the children's and adults' areas. I think that it was good that Chris and Brooks were able to come see the orphanage and see where Blaise as spent his first years. After that, we went as a family with Peter to see where Blaise was found. Like most adoptive families, this is a story we share only with our close family--it is something very personal for Blaise to know when he is older. But, suffice it to say we know very little and we do not know anything of his biological family. We're all he's got!

No rest for the weary--the next morning at 5:00 am we set off for Akagera to do a game drive. It was really a fun experience; I think I can let the pictures speak for this part.

As Wednesday was Genocide Memorial day,we felt that it would be appropriate for us to head out of Kigali, and most of our American friends agreed that it would be a good time to be away from the city. So, we took the only bus of the day at 6:00 am and headed to Gisenyi on Lake Kivu. **Note: In a country where EVERYTHING is late, we found it very odd that our buses all left 15-20 minutes early before they were full; as did our flight out of Kigali. So, be EARLY for buses!** Now, this was no ordinary bus ride, it was packed with every possible seat taken and all our bags resting at our feet. For 3.5 hours, we held on for dear life as the bus took narrow mountain passes on two wheels and dodged livestock, children, etc.

When we finally arrived, our car was made to stop on the side of the road as people gathered from villages to walk to their memorial site. After over an hour of waiting, during which we tried to keep the children and ourselves respectful of the situation, we made it to the Paradis hotel. Again, the pictures can speak for themselves. We took a boat ride to the hotel's private island and our guide led us on a walk to some hot springs. It was a beautiful retreat. Where else can you see tropical wildlife and flowers, hot springs, volcanoes, etc from your own private hut yards from a beach. The dinner, while it took 1.5 hours to get was delicious. It was worth the drive and almost kept us in good spirits the entire way home when the bus drive made the first one seem roomy and slow. It was a learning experience: A year ago, I don't thnk either Chris or I would have been able to relax when we sat literally a stone's throw to the Congo and a steaming volcano!

Waiting for dinner wasn't so bad when we had this view!

This chameleon had amazing colors!

The hotel's private island and the boat that took us there.

Flowers of Lake Kivu!

Outside our hut.

At the beach and by the hot springs

In matching PJ's

On the bus

When we got back to Kigali, we did some last minute shopping and had a great lunch at Afrika Bite with our American and Rwandan friend including Richard Masozera who is the brother of the Chief Primary Care at the VA Hospital where Chris works--small world huh?

Richard, Leia, Me, Brooks, Blaise, Chris, Peter

So, it was now onto Ethiopia. I was particulary unexcited about this portion of our journey, because of my previous experience in Addis, but Chris had a better experience on his layover and so he was more optimistic. However, we were both very nervous about the situation regarding getting an entry visa for Blaise. Technically, Rwandans are not elligible for point-of-entry tourist visas into Ethiopia as Americans are. However, months ago, I had read on the Ethiopian Immigration Authority website that they can grant exceptions if you write in advance. So, I emailed them a letter twice and faxed a letter twice. Though I got no answer, I hoped I had done enough to persude them to let us in. At fist, the supervisor informed us that the 3 of us (Americans) could stay but that Blasie would have to go back. We showed him the letter and the text from their website which he had apparently never seen nor did he understand the wording, but eventually he came back and said that because of that letter he would give us the visa.

A very happy Mommy to be getting on the plane in Rwanda--the boys wore their big brother/little brother shirts.

From there we were met by the Ethiopia Guest House where we were to stay for the next 8 days. The staff there was just wonderful and the room was spacious. My only word of caution would be that it is very far out of town, so if you don't have an agency shuttling you around all the time drivers can get expensive. But, it was a wonderful place to have room to play in with the boys and we were able to take any meals we wanted there so we weren't faced with going to look for food.

On the balcony at the Ethiopian Guest House

While in Ethiopia, our adoption related tasks went very smoothly after an initial scare. We showed up at the embassy on Friday to get the piece of paper we needed to complete our medical exam and saw a piece of paper taped to the window stating the embassy would be closed from the following Tuesday to Friday. Being as these were the exact days we needed them to conduct our interview and process our visa, we were a bit concerned. However, the embassy personnel were so helpful, I explained the situation, told them I had checked their web page to make sure there weren't any holidays before we came and threw myself on their mercy. They took everything we had at the time and agreed to come in on Wednesday to do our interview. They said barring any technical/sercurity issues we would have the visa Friday. So, we went for our medical exam/tb test Friday; had the results read Monday (where they marked them urgent and had them driven over to the embassy that afternoon); and came back to the embassy on Wednesday. Then, the good part--they gave us the Visa 30 minutes after the interview! Our experiences with the US Embassies in Kigali and Addis were very positive.

So, onto some of our experiences in Addis. We were forunate to be able to meet the family of Suzani, the Ethiopian wife of one of my dad's good friends, Gary. They took us to see Addis including a school where Brooks got the rock star treatment; a bar/pizza restaraunt where Brooks got to make the pizza; dinner at Finfine, a very old Ethiopian hotel on a hot spring; and a family lunch complete with an Ethiopian coffee ceremony. Here are some pics:

Visiting the Lemlem School

At Finfinne and Habenyom's bar

Making pizza and family dinner

Now, those of you close to us know that we had a huge family event while we were away: Brooks turned 5! We celebrated with playing and pizza at the Ethiopian version of Chuck E Cheese: Bob and Bongo's at Edna Mall. Then the staff at the guest house threw Brooks a wonderful birthday party complete with cake, decorations and dancing to very loud Ethiopian music.

Happy Birthday, Brooks!

Mommy with her 1st baby on his 5th birthday!

Suzani's family took us to the National Museum which we requested. We enjoy museums, but it was especially cool to see such ancient treasures in such a comparitively casual setting. We saw Lucy, and then Ardi, who is 1.1 million years older than Lucy. Brooks was our photographer and he took pictures of everything!

Lucy and Ardi

We intended to go to the Sheraton or Hilton to go swimming, but then we were told that the Ghion was more kid friendly so we went there. The water was cold but it was fun and there was a playground where Blaise loved the swings. They also had a tilt-a-whirl type ride that the boys liked. Finally we had french fries and ice cream for a snack. It was fun day and the boys went to sleep that night at 7:30!

Check out his expression after his first bite of ice cream--the cold really surprised him.

On our last day, we went to the "Lion Zoo" which we noticed across the street from the Museum. It was incredible to see the lions up VERY close. We could easy have touched them, but I didn't want to leave behind any appendages so we didn't. However, Chris did have a close encounter of a different kind. As he watched two lions one of them turned to walk away and sprayed Chris with a lion-sized shot of urine! Yes, the lion peed on Chris. Needless to say, all those around were very amused (maybe not Chris, but the rest of us were!) Here is Chris staring down his lion nemesis.

We also saw tortoise, monkeys. ducks, etc. But they all behaved themsleves and were, therefore, not as memorable as the lions. The funny thing about the lion story is that later, our Ethiopian friends informed us that a lion peeing on you means you will be wealthy. This made me wonder 2 things: 1) Wealthy by American or Ethiopian standards? 2) Really, there is a proverb about lions peeing on you? How often does this happen?

Though we woke to news of the Iceland volcano, we were fourtunate that our refueling stop occured in Rome and our flight, despite being 2 hours late, was able to proceed. I have to say that I'm not sure I'd have held it together if we hadn't been able to come home. The boys both slept the first 6 hour leg of the flights but very little after that. Chris slept the same as the boys, but I slept very little. I am not a sleep in places other than your bed type no matter how I try. So, by the time we got home Saturday night it had been almost 48 hours since a slept for any significant amount. We were all exhausted. The Pawlak's picked us up and fed us Chinese food before we went off to bed. I can honestly say that I have never been tired like that in my whole life. I closed my eyes to wash my hair and had trouble forcing them open to get out of the shower. We are all trying to recover. I think that having been over there for 4 weeks, my clock really reset itself. I feel okay in the morning and then I'm struggling by the afternoon. Brooks is waking up very early and refusing to nap to make up for it. So, needless to say, our evenings have been cheery!

Blaise in the Addis airport & the boys just before the final leg of the journey into Houston from Charlotte.

Both sets of grandparents and Momo have gotten to meet Blaise. Here are some pictures:

All in all, I think that we are doing well. Blaise is not an "easy" child. But neither is Brooks and the rewards of parenting such children are as great as the challenges. After we all get our clocks reset and get rested up I'll be able to speak more about our adjustment and such, but for now I'm just glad to be home!

Bye for now!

Monet's Rwanda

2010-03-29T14:21:00.001-05:00

Any of you who knew me "back in the day" remember that I liked the modern adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma in the form of the movie Clueless. Over the last few days one part of that movie keeps coming into my mind. To paraphrase: Cher is trying to describe something and she says that it's kind of like one of those impressionism paintings--when you step back and look at the whole thing it's really beautiful, but if you look closely it's actually a big mess.

That seems to be Rwanda. Really and truly the country is beautiful and when you take time to look out at the hills it really is spectatular, and I haven't even seen the prettiest parts yet. But when you come down to the day-to-day reality that is getting by in Rwanda it is tedious, frustrating, and really hard work.

While the first 3.5 days of my trip went spectacularly well, Friday to Monday have been more frustrating. Let me paint you a picture of my morning (and this was actually a fairly effecient portion of the day). Today, we needed to get our document copies all notarized. While we were at it, we took those of our friends' as well. I got up at 5:45 so that I could walk up the road to meet Peter at 6:30 where we took motobikes to the notary office. Here we waited for the doors to open at which point a massive throng of people attempted to simultaneously enter through a double door. The throng moved to the back corner of the office where we all jostled to be near a door--I think the wizard of Oz was inside. Then we were all informed that we all needed to sign this sheet of paper which was then passed around to whomever could grab it next. From this paper, we were all called and issued little pieces of paper with numbers on them. At this point I'm kind of impressed because this is the first sembelnce of order I have yet witnessed. So, Peter had to then leave so that he could get more copies and I made myself conspicous by whipping out my E-Reader, but I had to because if I read I can try to forget that I have been openly and continously stared at for the last week. Anyhow, the "gatekeeper" now instructed numbers 1-10 to line up at the window--and they formed a single file line!! Well, it lasted for numbers 1-7 then it disolved into the normal mob around a window look. From this point, anyone who had a number remotely close to that which was supposed to be called was free to push, shove and elbow their way to the window where they handed in their documents. Blessedly, Peter arrived back quickly and was able to get our documents in the window. However, since we had so many, we were told we needed to rearrange and staple them for them, so we did this. Next, the amount we were to pay was written on our oh-so-meaningful number and we went to the other side of the room. Here, again, we were told that we were to approach the window number by number. Peter left to try to get the rest of the birth cerificate documents telling me they were on number 15 so that I could keep track and know when my number 41 was up. From 15-24 people filed through slowly but surely. I say slowly because after an hour 9 people had walked to a window and waited while a handwritten receipt was carefully written. Did I mention that every so often the people behind the desks get up and walk away with no explanation and stay away for a fair bit of time? So anyway, after number 24 this system too went the way of the mob. After trying unsuccesfully to get someone to speak English, I got in the line and managed to pay after the man holding number 50 but before 30-39. But it was over, right? No, I now proceeded to another window where the "gatekeeper" now sat and he looked at my receipt and told me to come back in 4.5 hours for my documents. That was part 1 of my morning. Do you really need me to paint a picture of the next 3 items we tried (and failed) to accomplish?

So, Rwanda is beautiful, but I am homesick and lonely and frustrated. I am worried becasue there are three holidays in the next week or so and Rwandan immigration was less than enthusiatic about helping me out this morning. I am worried that I will be "stuck" here and we can't really make travel plans for Chris and Brooks until we have some certainty. I knew that this would be a hard trip, but you really can't prepare yourself for this. The back-breaking, feet blistering walk up the steep, potholed dirt hill from the orphanage; the hours of waiting surrounded by people you can't understand; the longing for home--they all just take the fight out of you a little. I enjoyed my week of solitude at my first guest house, but I so needed to be with someone who I could talk to that I moved to another guest house up the road. It is American owned and so it feels like a little piece of heaven. I have an indoor room with a rug; a shower curtain in the bathroom; a beautiful yard and views over the hills; a cushy living room; a kitchen with a microwave and fridge that I can use . . .you don't know how much you miss these until you don't have them. Most importantly, when I need to ask something, I can. And, the owner sat and talked with me for a long while. It felt good to be empathized with.

Tomorrow I hope to get the travel letter; I will also attempt to file the paperwork at the embassy. I don't know what we will do about the passport. By the way, by the next post I should be able to let you know what our son's name will finally be . . .stay tuned.

A family of four!

2010-03-26T10:13:00.006-05:00

We passed court yesterday March 25, 2010. This means Cyprien Mugisha is officially a part of our family. That also means I can post pictures!

Here is a recap of the last couple days:

Thursady was a wild and crazy day. In the effort to increase our efficiency, we ditched the driver and I resorted to motorcycle taxis. It was actually really fun (except for the 2nd degree burn on my leg, watchh out for those tail pipes!). We passed court and got the official court documents the same day which is a miracle. For those of you in this process, I plan to write more detail when time allows, but for now suffice it to say that your POA has to do a full day or two work on each step of the process and each of those steps usually involves several smaller steps. It is hard, hard work. I was exhausted, sore, and very very dirty when I got home. God knew how much I needed the shower because I actually had warm water!

Today, I was able to help with some items for our friends' adoption. I was unable to see Spree because things just take longer than usual here. I didn't receive the document to let me keep him full time, but I will pick him up for the day on Saturday and Sunday. We have a CRAZY list of things to accomplish Monday morning in order to submit the passport paperwork and embassy documents. And, I will hopefully receive the travel document as well and keep Spree full-time.

I am off to try to find some pizza now--weird cravings when you've only had a Pepsi all day long! I'll post all about our weekend later!

Cyprien Mugisha

2010-03-24T08:16:00.001-05:00

I met our son.

He is beautiful, scared, shy, affecionate, perfect.

His official name is Cyprien Mugisha. I have been calling him Spree. We have not decided what his final name will be.

Peter picked me up Tuesday morning and we headed out to the Minstry where he was to drop me off so I could wait and see if the letter would be ready. Before we arrived we found out that the letter was signed and ready! I had been praying all morning that this would happen and it did! So, we went directly to the orphanage where they brought him out to me. He was very shy, but he didn't cry. He came to me while looking around at everyone--he seemed to be wondering why he was the center of everyone's attention. He made eye contact with me a lot and sat and looked at me. I told him about Daddy and brother and showed him pictures. Finally he cuddled into me and fell asleep.

It was obviously one of the best days of my life. Just as with the birth of Brooks, I feel exhausted, excited, numb, everything all at once.

I had to leave him again as I will each day until the court date, but Peter told him I would be back.

Today we went to complete the first step of the official court process--a trip to the sector where he was born. Everything there went very smoothly and by 10:30 we were headed to the orphanage to pick Spree up again. The intention was to go for medical testing, but the doctor was not able to do the test on a baby and then the next doctor could not see him until next week. Really, the nuns had already completed what we need, so we spent the afternoon completing the other tasks we needed to do. We went for passport photos and it was about this time that the scared look started to disappear from his face and his personality started to show. He made his first request--he pointed at my empty coke bottle and then at his mouth. So, I promptly asked that the car be stopped for juice! He did not stop sucking the straw and drinking until half of the 20 oz bottle was gone. I then broke out the peanut butter crackers and now we are fast friends.

I took out the picture book that I made of our family and told him everyone's name. He caught on and kept pointing back and forth as I said "Daddy, Brooks." Then he kept rubbing Brooks's picture with his finger. Chris was able to speak to him on the phone both days. Today while Chris was on the phone I saw Spree's first smile. Later he pointed at the lawyer's cell phone and said "Daddy."

He was very facinated with the camera. He would look at the picture and then turn it over and look at the other side trying to figure it out. Then he took to poking at it, so it had to go away, but I did catch what sounded like "Mommy" when he pointed at a picture of the two of us.

By the end of the day, he was trying to run away into the street to see the cars. He protested loudly when I wouldn't let him eat his dropped cracker off the floor. He found vast enjoyment in pulling the straw in and out of his juice. And, he tried to eat his Hot Wheel. All in all, he was starting to be a normal 2 1/2 year old. He even wanted me to lean him over backwards over and over while I said "Silly Spree" and he would laugh and giggle. After I gave him the little car, he looked at me with the sweetest face and offered me a bite of his cracker. He fell asleep driving back to the orphanage and Peter carried him in.

So, now I wait to hear when our court date will be scheduled, but everything has been so perfect so far. I feel very comfortable here and today had Peter and Sam, the driver, drop me at the market where this coffee shop is. I told them I could find my way home, but Sam insisted that he could come back for me. I will be to see Spree again tomorrow and play with him at the orphanage.

I will keep you posted as I can. I cannot post pictures yet, but I will after court. Thank you for all your prayers; please keep them coming and pray for a speedy court date and easy travel arrangements for Chris and Brooks.

Now for the blog post I wrote 2 days ago (it kinda got preempted!)

A Daring Adventure

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." Helen Keller

I last left you at the Charlottoe airport. From there, I went on to D.C. where I had to retrieve all my luggage (2 50lb bags, and 2 large rubbermaid totes) and get rechecked into Ethiopian Airlines. That was the site of my last true panicky moment thus far. I think the combination of knowing that once I checked those bags the die was cast and I was going, combined with the sudden immersion into a large crowd of people all speaking a different language and not truly knowing what I was doing made me uneasy. But I made it through and had to re-enter through security.

The flight itslef was smooth but was anything but restful. I was hoping that I would be able to sleep the whole time--and a few people did--but it took 3 hourse into the flight for them to get dinner served and turn out the lights. So, I slept fitfully until breakfast just before Rome where we stopped for an hour to refuel. I must say the food was very good, but by the end of the flight--when they gave us lunch--I just wanted them to stop feeding us. With the time chnages and landings and taking offs, it was as if something was always going on and there was no real hope for sleep. I just want to add that either Amharaic is a very wordy language or every time they made announcements they told the Amharaic speakers a lot more than the English speakers! They would come over the PA and talk for like 3 minutes in Amhariaic and then say something short and sweet like, "Ladies and Gentleman, this is a non-smoking flight."

In the haste of booking the tickets, I didn't realize that my layover in Addis was 14 hours. Luckily, they provided a hotel and meal voucher. However, had God not sent Samantha, an young American missionary returning home to Burundi, and her friend, I would not have been able to take advantage of the hotel. It started when I got off the plane. I followed the sign for transfer passengers. Here I encountered what appraently passes for a line--a mass of people huddled around a desk where two unconcerned people very methodically and without any apparent haste process things. At this point, Samanatha appeared, informed me that if I had my boarding pass I didn't need to wait in that line. I then attached myself to her and followed her for the next 12 hours.

We went to the line to get our hotel vouchers where I witnessed Samantha's assertive diplomacy when a man cut in front of us from the side of the line. She asked in an assertive, but light-hearted tone, "Did you just get in front of us?" He smiled and said, "Oh no, I am behind you as he moved." She then made some friendly small talk with him in Swahilli, I think. Later, she helped calm the nerves in the transit visa line when some men were very unhappy with the ineffeciency of the system which according to them would never be allowed in their country of Zambia. After this we were left to walk the length of the airport 3 times trying to find the shuttle bus. We kept being told it was on the other side--did I mention that Samantha is 30 weeks pregnant? Her spirit did not sink once and she let us rely on her. She simply told the 4th man who tried to tell us where to go that he didn't seem too busy and didn't he think it would be best if he just got up and walked us to the bus. He did and we got there.

Driving through the streets of Addis at 11 pm was surreal. We saw a rowdy mob which included a mother with a baby on her back apparently making sport of a grown naked man. There were people in various lean-to's, open air butcher carts, etc. It was a confusion of images and sensations that felt all the mroe disconcerting because we were exhausted. At the hotel, we used our meal voucher to have a quick, bland meal of fish and rice. The people were helpful, if not friendly. The room was basic and serviceable--very worn but clean and with a heavy secure lock. I was able to sleep some though I woke up often to check the time as I was terrified of falling asleep too deeply and missing my flight.

Back at the airport I had an omelet and a coke, walked through the shops, and said goodbye to my new friends. I was then able to buy some internet time and do some emails. When I finally settled in to wait for the flight (after almost taking one to Zanzibar by accident), I looked out the window and realized what a beautiful view there was from the airport. Walking out on the tarmac further invigorated me as the weather was beautiful. I was excited to be so close.

The flight to Kigali was mercifully short even with the stop in Uganda. Arrival at the Kigali airport was a stark contrast to the Addis airport. Of course, it was much smaller, but the people were much friendlier as well. The visa man asked if this was my first visit and then informed me that I was very welcome in Rwanda. The luggage retrieval was quick and I wasn't swarmmed continously with offers of help--one man politely asked and cleared a path for me after I declined. Then I had a thrilling moment--I had someone waiting for me with my name typed nice and big on a sign. He helped me to the car and me smiled and nodded and misunderstood each other all the way to the guest house.

Going by what was said about the quality of African hotels as a whole when I was in the hotel in Ethiopia, I am very happy with my guest house. It is old, but clean and very secure. The staff is very sweet and helpful and one of them kind of speaks a little English. I met some other guests at dinner tonight. They are here with a volunteer organization and teaching street children. They have been here 2 months and speak highly of the guest house and the neighborhood. So, despite the fact that I just washed my hair in water that wasn't exactly clear and took a sponge bath because nothing comes out of my hot water tap (they work on it tomorrow!) I am happy.

But, back to Rwanda. IT IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL! The houses perched on the hills remind me of paintings of Italy. Everything is green and lush and the weather was nice and warm and humid. Very tropical, just like I like it! Peter came to pick me up at the guest house shortly after I arrived and we went directly to the Ministry. I was able to meet Jeanne and she was very warm and kind. I enjoyed talking with her. I will let you all know when we get any news.

After that, Peter took me to exchange money and then to a large supermarket place where I bought a SIM card and minutes for the cell phone Peter provided. Chris has that number, so if anyone is inclined to call me, feel free. With the time difference anytime between your 10 am and 4 pm would catch me in the late afternoon or evening when I'm likely to be at the guest house staring at the walls. Just don't dial direct! Use a calling card or sign up for one of the internet discount calling things that makes it even cheaper than the calling cards.

Anyway, I then bought some bottled water and a coke and we headed "home." Peter sat and talked with me for awhile which was so nice. I passed the afternoon pleasantly and then got to speak on the phone to Chris. As I mentioned before, I ate dinner with the other guests so that I could meet other people and they were very nice. The food was very good and since one of them is a vegitarian, there was plenty for me to eat wthout having to eat meat. It is nice to be able to eat a meal here without being out at night and since it only costs like $3.75, I can swing it every night!

So, I am here. I am glad I came. Now I just pray for progress, but it is pretty cool to know that I am sleeping in the same city as our son!

Leaving on a Jet Plane . . .

2010-03-20T14:17:00.001-05:00

"Promise me you'll always remember--You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh

I have lived in a perpetual state of nausea with the uncomfortable feeling of an impending panic attack very since Thursday. That is the day we decided that I was leaving for Rwanda, by myself, in 2 days. No big deal, right? I've left the country before--all the way to the Bahamas! So, I cried the better part of the way from Houston to Charlotte and I don't think the tears are depleted yet, but as I told Brooks, sometimes we do things we don't want to do because in the bigger picture, they're the right things to do.

So, here I sit on leg one of the journey in the Charlotte airport. I head to Dulles soon and from there will head to Addis Ababa and onto Kigali, Rwanda. Unfortunately, my touch down in Rome on the way won't allow for sightseeing!

No, we didn't actually get the referral, but we did get enough encouraging news for us to pray that it will be ready soon. Whoever our son is, he has waited so long for his very own family. We decided that if I can make the moment he knows that he has a family come any sooner then we should do that. So, I will be hanging out in Rwanda. On Monday I hope to meet all the people at the Ministry who work so hard on all these adoptions.

I do not know the length of this trip, nor do I know what exactly I will be doing there. This is a leap of faith, something that we feel we need to do for our son. Of course, even after we find out who he is, there will be court dates and other official steps to complete, but this way they will be done while I am near him.

Please pray for us:

* That Brooks and Chris and I can bear the separation. Chris and I haven't been apart for more than a week since we started dating over 17 years ago, and until last week I had never spent even a single night away from Brooks. There was sobbing all around at the airport.

* For safe travels and good decisions. Please pray that helpful, compaasionate people are placed in my path at the monents I need them.

* That the referral is ready quickly so that I can stay in Rwanda through the entire duration of the adoption proceedings. That my presence is received well by the Ministry. That they understand my motivation to be near our son.

* For health and well-being--physically, emotionally, and mentally.

By the way, if you were planning on coming to Brooks's b-day party Saturday, it's postponed.

ATTITUDE

2010-03-10T18:23:00.001-06:00

ATTITUDE by Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

Peace in the Turmoil

2010-03-05T22:13:00.002-06:00

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Okay, so maybe I was a bit harsh in my last post. I'm sorry. I am blessed beyond belief that I have the friends and family that I do. This process can make you a little crazy!

I opened with the Bible verse I did because I feel that last night I had a break-through of sorts. I stayed up past midnight trying to get Peter, our POA in Rwanda, on the phone. I could not make the call go through. Then I started reading the Rwanda newspaper and saw that there was another grenade attack that injured more people. Then I became very worried for Peter. And then all of a sudden I felt sure that we would not be hearing good news about our referral. And the weird thing was that I felt sad but not angry, not frustrated, nothing like that. I felt that God was telling me that this was not the time; I needed to wait.

So, when I received Peter's email the next morning (thank God he is okay!), I was not surprised at its contents.
Here is an update of the actual facts:
* Peter confirmed that the "handover" of Veronique's duties to Jeanne was completed.
* He also confirmed that Jeanne has prepared the letter that must be signed by the Minister to allow her to fax us our son's picture and medical information. This will also allow us to proceed to schedule the actual court date to make him officially our son.
* BUT, he also confirmed that after being out last week at a leadership retreat, that this week and next week the Minister is out of the country. She is not due back in until March 15th.

So there it is, no information for at least another week and a half. And really, people much less important than the Minister have a lot to catch up on when they've been out of the office for 3 weeks, so I have a feeling our file might not be the first thing she grabs when she walks in that morning.

Oddly, my sense of peace has lasted. This does not mean we're not going to do anything to advocate for ourselves, but we will have to let the process work. I sat back and realized that really, other than Veronique not taking care of this in month three of the wait, there is nothing that could have been done. When the Minister was in town, there was no one in the position to prepare the letter and now that there is, the Minister is not in town. So, maybe the week of the 15th we will hit the jackpot and all the little cherries on the slot machine will line up: Minister in town, Jeanne ready with the file, and all office equipment functional to scan and send it! Seriously, I know we don't need luck; God knows how it will work and He will make it happen. We will let Him guide our actions and do our part, but at some point there is just nothing more to do.

Please pray that the Minister becomes aware of our files and that she is moved to action on our behalf. Please pray that my sense of peace does not disintegrate--at least not permanently--and that we are able to face the next week or two and enjoy life without anxiety. Please pray for our friends whose file has been with ours every step of the way; pray that we will continue to support each other in the way that only we can right now. Thank you.

"Look kids, Big Ben!"

2010-03-04T11:55:00.005-06:00

Do you remember the part of the movie European Vacation where Chevy Chase and his family are in the car stuck on a round-about in London. He keeps saying, "Look, kids, Big Ben!" That is how the emotional cycle of waiting for this referral has been--a seemingly endless round-about, where I experience the same emotions over an over with no end in sight. Eventually, we, like the Griswold's will move out of the round-about, but I don't know when.

Here is the cycle:

Anticipation/Excitement: These are the moments when I'm on the top of the world. The approval letter stating the "in approximately 2 months" I will see our son's face. The moment at just over 3 months waiting for the referral when we hear that there is a good chance of the referral coming that week. The day we get first hand confirmation that our files are ready to be given to us and seemingly nothing is keeping it from happening this week.

These were all moments, when despite my better judgement, I let myself believe this might really happen now.

Disappointment: As we were walking through the zoo the other day, I told Chris, that the one emotion that this adoption made me realize I had never truly experienced is disappointment. True, deep-down disappointment. The kind that only comes when you want something with your whole heart, genuinely think it is going to happen, and then get let down. And then repeat the process, again and again. Those of you reading this surely think, "Why doesn't she just know to guard her emotions--to keep herself from getting her hopes up?" Easier said than done. Intellectually, I can tell myself all day not to get hopeful at each new week, but as Blaise Pascal said, "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."

At a low point, I decided to cheer myself up by reading a light classic from my childhood and I picked up Anne of Green Gables. This optimistic little orphan has this conversation with Marilla:
" 'You set your heart too much on things, Anne,' said Marilla with a sigh. 'I'm afraid there'll be a great many disappointments in store for you through life.'
'Oh, Marilla, looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them,' exclaimed Anne. 'You mayn't get the things themselves but nothing can prevent you from having the fun of looking forward to them. Mrs. Lynde says, 'Blessed are those who expect nothing for the shall not be disappointed.' But I think it would be worse to expect nothing than to be disappointed.'"

I can't agree always, when the disappointment is being felt too strongly, but I do think that there is nothing to do, but follow the inclination to anticipate even if it mean another round of disappointment.

Resignation: This is usually the shortest part of the cycle for me. It is the weeks when we have been told that without a doubt NOTHING can happen this week--the Minister is on a retreat, the person in charge of your file quit, the offices are on holiday, etc. It is not a fun feeling, but at least during these weeks I can avoid compulsive email checking and worrying.

Anger/Annoyance: This is probably the worst stage because it is often unfair to others.

This is where I get annoyed because I'm not getting enough specific information and I start imagining that no one actually cares if our son ever gets out of that orphanage. This is where I get so mad at the seemingly lack of concern that we are a few days short of 4 months of an approximate 2 month wait. Yes, I know, we Americans have an obsession with speed, efficiency, and deadlines not always shared in other parts of the world. But, being an American, I think and feel as an American. Therefore, I get mad--really mad at this.

Let me give you an example, in January, I mailed of 5 proofs of purchase that Brooks had diligently collected from his Star Wars figurines boxes. In 6-8 weeks, we were to receive 2 figurines in the mail. Promptly, at 8 weeks, I received a post card in the mail explaining that they had underestimated demand, apologizing, and naming a new deadline. Did they miss a deadline? Yes. But did they realize it and promptly acknowledge it? Yes. That is what seems to be missing in this equation. The acknowledgement that I might be justifiably miffed at such a long miss of an approximate deadline. I know it will happen. I know they are capable of doing their jobs. I know it isn't a personal slight against myself. I know they have a system. I know it will happen. But feelings are feelings.

Those of you who are parents understand how long a month is in the life and development of a two year old. That is why I get so angry.

Furthermore, I get annoyed, again, not rightfully, but nonetheless, I get annoyed at the lack of empathy possible from those around me. You get the feeling that others are thinking, "Well they signed up for it. Why are they annoyed at it now?" You feel annoyed that the anticipation of your biological child so greatly exceeded the anticipation for this one. You get annoyed that in a group of people when people talk of those who are "expecting" you are never included. You get annoyed that no one seems to understand that the emotional stress exacted on an adoptive family can be as physically draining as pregnancy. Instead of peeing all night, I check email all night! I know my family and friends love me. I know much of this is stress talking, but like I said, feelings are feelings.

Most of all, I get angry and annoyed at myself for not being able to "roll with things" more. I want to be able to just live life and be excited and happy when the referral does come, but it just doesn't seem to be the way I'm programmed.

Round and round and round it goes, where it stops; no one knows!

A whiny, self-indulgent, emotional post

2010-02-18T22:41:00.003-06:00

If you happen to be one of the people in my life who usually hear from me often and you've begun to wonder if I've fallen off the edge of the earth. Or maybe you think I'm mad at you, I'm not. I just don't want to talk about IT. I cannot properly express the sense of helplessness that comes with every new setback and delay. It makes me feel so silly to get excited and report that it should be this week, etc, etc and then just have it not happen AGAIN. It's not that I don't think you care--I know you do. It's just that there are really only a handful of people that can really understand.

I'm not a week past my due date in a pregnancy--I've been there--the baby can only stay in so long.

I'm not trying to get pregnant for a year--I've been there--that baby while longed for didn't yet exist, in an orphanage, across the world.

I know that this will too be resolved, but there is no way of knowing when or what it is going to take.

This just really, really sucks. Just because I've stopped letting you know all the updates doesn't mean I'm taking it well. I just can't talk about it--so I'm avoiding the conversations. Thanks for letting me.

Those of you who've known me for most of my life know I'm not an outwardly emotionally expressive person. I now tear up constantly. It's somewhat embarrassing for me. I can only handle so much.

So, it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, but I just can't talk about it right now.

Little Boy's Bible

2010-02-17T21:06:00.002-06:00

Tonight in Brooks's little boy Bible, I opened to the story about Jochebed floating baby Moses down the Nile to save his life. It was in the devotional part after the story that I had to smile at the perfect timing of the story for me even if Brooks didn't see it. The devotional said, "Sometimes when we have to trust God with how a situation works out . . .all we can do is wait patiently. But there are also times when God wants us to use the brains He gave us and do what we can. We should ask God for wisdom and help . . .and get busy." It closed with a "Verse to Remember": A child's version of Isaiah 1:17, "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of widows."

We're waiting patiently--we're ready to use our brains and do what we can!

"The trouble with most people . . ."

2010-02-06T13:38:00.002-06:00

"The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes and fears and wishes, rather than with their minds." Nancy Astor

Maybe it's hard when it relates to our children to not focus on the emotion of the situation, but that is just what we've had to do to get through this and it has helped. We still feel the emotion, of course, but filtering it through rational thinking is allowing a certain calmness.

I just wanted to keep you all updated our referral situation and give you some very specific prayer requests. There is hope, based on the updates coming from Rwanda, that a replacement to handle adoption matters (and a whole lot more) could be in place with the next week or two. Coming from someone whose husband works for the US government--I can't tell you how impressed and grateful I would be if they could fill a government position so quickly. If that happens, there is a chance we could still have our referral while our friend, Tina, is in Rwanda. Maybe, if time allows she could actually see our son!

Even if this doesn't happen, we are encouraged to know that the wheels are turning and progress is being made.

Please pray that:
*MIGEPROF is able to find a qualified replacement who has a special place in her heart for these children.
*Peter is able to find favor with the new person.
*the new person is able to be trained quickly and able to process our referral soon after being hired.
*We continue to have patience.
*Our son is healthy and that God may grant him an assurance of his family waiting for him.

Not the best week ever . . .

2010-02-02T21:26:00.006-06:00

Well, it has not quite been the week we hoped for so far. Tuesday was a rough day, and I was just too upset and emotional to manage a post. However, I know how many families earlier in the adoption process watch the blogs of those ahead of them to learn about the process. So, in fairness, I want to make sure that I don't only post about the exciting easy parts, but the setbacks as well. My tears have stopped flowing and I'm calm; so here goes . . .

After not receiving our referral last week, we reached the point of 2 months and 3 weeks of an "approximately 2 month" wait. So, we optimistically formed a lovely plan: divide and conquer. Elizabeth (the mommy in the other family whose file is very close friends with ours by now) would stay up until 2 am Tuesday morning and call for an update. Meanwhile, I would send a heartfelt email to the same person. Then I would follow up in Thursday with a call. These measures combined with our POA's personal visits to the office and PRESTO! a referral by the end of the week.

I should have known that when I am woken up an hour earlier than usual with Brooks in bed with me and both of us covered in pee (from him, not me) that it wasn't going to be a great day. Nevertheless, I quickly stripped the bed and got back in while shoving Brooks a yogurt tube and plopping him in front of Dora. I thought to check my email and not seeing anything sighed thinking well maybe tomorrow it will come. Then the phone rang. Now, Chris knows better than to call me before 8 a.m., so this was not good news. He had checked our email to find the news that when our POA arrived at the Minstry offices he was told that the lady who handles the adoption files on behalf of the Minister had resigned. They were not able to tell him ANYTHING about what that meant for our files.

In case, you're wondering what needs to happen for us to get our referrals and proceed to the court date that finalizes the adoption, someone needs to pick up the file from the desk, have the Minister of Family and Gender sign it, walk it to the scanner and scan it, and then email the documents to us. That's it. Somewhere in that office is a file with our son's picture and all his information and we can't get it. I remember around Christmas time when two earlier families in our "group" were waiting for their referrals knowing that they were just sitting on a desk waiting for a signature. I just couldn't imagine that feeling--it's not a good one.

After contemplating an immediate flight to Rwanda, I have spent the last 2 days calming down and have come to a few conclusions:
* When someone very integral to an office leaves, the said office will need some time to refocus, regroup, and reassign all of her duties.
* Just because they aren't telling us the plan, doesn't mean there isn't one (thanks, Tina, for this one!)
* Really, approaching the 3 month mark is where almost all the families before us have been when they received their referrals. So, I am worried about the POSSIBLE implications of this news, not the actual implications. Until we see how the next week or so plays out, we don't know if this is really even a delay.
* The Minister of Family and Gender (MIGEPROF) is responsible for a whole lot of important things. Our adoption is just one of them. They are led by a strong, competent woman and staffed by people who take their jobs seriously. They will get it done.
* Worrying, crying, losing sleep, planning for every worst case scenario, etc is not going to solve this any faster.

So, what are we going to do? We are going to be patient and allow the Ministry the time to work this out. We know that they are committed to the well-being of our child. They know that he should have a family as soon as possible and they will make it happen. We will be proactive in initiating and maintaining communication with MIGEPROF both individually and through Peter, our POA. If need be, after sufficient time has passed, I will go there and see if I can personally ask for favor in the matter.

In the meantime, I will dwell on the following:
Matthew 6:34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Please do include us, the MIGEPROF, and our son in your prayers. Unless you've been there, I can't tell you the helplessness you feel knowing your son as been picked for you and you can't know who he is, you can't make sure he's eating well, you can't get him clean water, you can't take him to the doctor, and you can't hold him and kiss him. I'm not saying it's a harder battle than many that others go through; it's just a very different, surreal, unexplainable one. To that end, it is so helpful and such a blessing to have met others on this journey with us. The Hunter's are a family whose file arrived in Rwanda with ours, was approved on the same day, and whose children were picked at the same time. Elizabeth has a great perspective on this because it is her 3rd adoption experience. You can check out her wonderful blog at: http://elizabethhunter.wordpress.com/

Hopefully, posting again soon with good news!

Questions and Answers

2009-12-31T17:06:00.016-06:00

Happy New Years to All! I recently reread Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God, and I was struck by this sentence, "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." This seemed particularly appropriate to our lives this year. Among the many questions that we asked in 2009 and anticipate answers for in 2010 are:

"Who will our new son be?"

"When will he join our family?"

"What will our first trip out of the country be like? And where all will we go?"

"How will our family of 3 transition to being a family of 4?"

"Where we will live after Chris gets his promotion?"

"When will we get to meet our new niece? And what will this little girl among 3 boys be like?"

"How will Brooks handle kindergarten?"

It will surely be a year of answers! On the adoption front, we may have some answers very soon! I received a wonderful email from our Power of Attorney in Rwanda telling us that the nuns have indeed chosen the son for our family and will be delivering the file to the Ministry this coming week. This means that the Minister will need to review the match and sign her approval and then Veronique, who handles the adoption matters for the country, will need to scan all the documents & A PHOTO and email them to us. Then we will see his face for the first time! Stay tuned for that news . . .

Meanwhile, we enjoyed being at home this year for Christmas. We were also able to take a mini-vacation around Houston and Galveston. Here are some pictures of us closing out 2009:

Magic Carpet Mini-Golf in Galveston--We actually have a picture just like this of us in the shell with our friends on prom weekend in 1993!

At the Children's Museum of Houston

Kemah Boardwalk Rides (Mommy kind of tricked them into getting on that first one!)

Dinner out and football on the beach

Moody Gardens--Brooks met the diver and some new "friends" in the touch pool (He still won't try shrimp because there was a shrimp touch pool in Tulsa and he grew fond of them!)

At the Galleria, when asked if that was the biggest Christmas tree he'd ever seen Brooks just declared, "Impossible!" Sorry to the Houston Museum of Natural Science for this picture; after I saw the no camera sign I promptly ceased, but the deed was already done, so I may as well keep this one, right?

Photos #3,967 & #3,968 in the "Brooks in front of trains" series

Brooks after the weekend

Rewriting a classic . . ."The stockings were hung on the pool house TV, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there."

It was a Star Wars Christmas; though I thought the toys were for Brooks!

Take #1 and Take #2 in "Nice photo of the cousins in front of the tree at church on Christmas Eve." (I think Lance was having more fun in Take #1!)

Moments later Lance attempted climbing the same stool; I pretty sure after a few days around Brooks he can also wield a light saber and a clone blaster as well (Sorry Kelli!). Brooks and Momo whipped up some of PawPaw Harsch's sugar cookies.

A Very Busy December

2009-12-17T21:17:00.017-06:00

Bored? Not around our house! Here is just some of what has kept us busy around Tulsa this month . . .

I added some of my favorite Christmas songs to the playlist for this month--though not always my favorite versions (except, of course, those by Josh Groban). I will say not a single version of Sweet Little Jesus Boy could hold a candle to Brother Jerry Cronan's version from my childhood, so I just left it off completely. Enjoy!!

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AT RHEMA

PICTURES WITH SANTA

CRUISING IN MOM'S NEW CAR---THE TULSA ZOO

CHUCK E. CHEESE

UNION HIGH PLAYOFF GAME---PSO PARADE OF LIGHTS

We also caught a Muskogee basketball game to see our friend's son play, but Mommy forgot her camera!

INCREDIBLE PIZZA

TULSA AIR & SPACE MUSEUM

THE AQUARIUM

THE CHRISTMAS TRAIN IN DRY GULCH, USA

MALL TRAIN IN MUSKOGEE AND GARDEN OF LIGHTS DRIVE-THROUGH

FUN DAYS WITH MOMMY-POTTERY PAINTING & CURIOUS GEORGE LIVE

BIG 12 CHAMPIONSHIP

I'll be back soon with pictures from our Houston/Galveston mini-vacation! I can hear the waves crashing ourside our hotel room as I type.

Approval!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-19T08:46:00.003-06:00

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes!

Mark Twain's Notebook

Imagine my surprise when I opened email this morning and found our APPROVAL letter! What a blessing and what a big step! Thank you to Peter and the Ministry in Rwanda; this is so quick and efficient especially considering they just had all the work of getting the referrals out for the previous group. They are working so hard over there on behalf of us and these children. Thank you for your prayers--Thank you, God! The letter states that we will now wait 2 months for a referral (the information about our child). Here is the letter for those of you who'd like to see it:

October! (And a little adoption update . . .)

2009-11-01T19:13:00.023-06:00

"October gave a party;
The leaves by hundreds came -The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,
And leaves of every name.
The Sunshine spread a carpet,
And everything was grand,
Miss Weather led the dancing,
Professor Wind the band."
~George Cooper, "October's Party"

Wow! What a month October was! When you're done reading this post you'll understand why I didn't have time to stop and blog for the last month. It has been crazy and fun around here; as you'll see Brooks spent the better part of October dressed as Darth Vader. It has been beautiful weather, and we have been able to stay out-and-about just about every day. Enjoy these pics of all our October fun. (If you are reading this for adoption news only, scroll down; it's at the bottom!)

At the Pumpkin Patch

Oktoberfest

Happy Half-Birthday (notice it's 1/2 of a cake!)

Tulsa Kite Fest

The Oklahoma State Fair in Tulsa

Halloween! We all had fun, but judging by the reactions of the 9-11 year old male crowd in the neighborhood, Mommy's costume was the biggest hit!

Hallowmarine--They had a mermaid swimming in the fish tank, but her picture didn't come out well.

Hall"zoo"een--I think one of Brooks's favorite parts was seeing a group of dancers do a rendition of the "Thriller" video! And, he got to meet the Ghostbuster gang; I think Daddy liked that more than Brooks. You can tell it was a LONG night!

KiddiePark in Bartlesville--We really love this place; it's just perfect for the little kiddos.

Star Wars in Concert! Daddy and Brooks went and had a great time. Other people asked to take pictures with Brooks! Brooks has been humming the Star Wars music almost non-stop since this.

The Haunted Castle in Muskogee

Well, I hoped you liked the photos. It has been a fun month--all this and football, too!

Adoption news: I have come to the conclusion that God has decided that I need to learn patience. Honestly, I wish He would have picked a different time for the lesson, but, alas, I will be forced to learn. It appears that our best course of action for now will be to revise our expectations. We had really hoped to have our son home this Spring, but I think we would be better to shoot for the family reunion in mid-July. In order to not bog you down with adoption lingo, just suffice it to say that Rwanda has been swamped with adoption dossiers and they just don't have the man power to process them quickly. I applaud them for doing all they can to make the process very ethical and careful even if it means slower. They have made changes in the process to better protect their children and to safeguard the process. Anytime changes are made, the first few groups through will be somewhat "trial and error." It will happen.

The basics of where we stand is that our dossier is being reviewed by Rwanda. We await our "approval" and then we will wait for our "referral" or the information about our specific child. The general time frames are 3-6 months waiting for approval (you can see on our ticker where we are in this wait) and then 2-3 months waiting for a referral. After this, the best guess is 4-6 weeks for court dates, etc. and then we travel.

Right now, more than ANYTHING for our adoption, please pray that there is a way for our fellow adopters who are waiting for their referrals any day to get through court in time to bring their children home for Christmas. For us, please pray that we are in the next round of approvals, whenever that may be. Please pray that the Rwandan Ministry will have the time and resources to devote to the adoption files. Please pray that the children are well and loved. Please pray for me to learn to be patient.

Finally, for no real reason, for the last few weeks, I have had the song "Maybe" from Annie stuck in my head. Then, I caught it on late-night television one night and another blog used "Tomorrow" on their blog. Maybe if I write about it, my mind will move on, but I think I keep playing the song in my head because I wonder what our son thinks about, wishes about, dreams about. Many of these adopting families are adopting very young babies and toddlers. Our son is nearing 3 already; he has fears, concerns, questions. One person who has been in the orphanage, recalls the "older" children (preschoolers and toddlers) clamoring about them calling them Mommy and Daddy and asking to be held. Now that these children are seeing more and more of them--usually babies--leave with Mommies and Daddies, I wonder if they dream of getting a family. I wonder if our son wishes for us even though he doesn't know us. I wonder if in his way he has a bunch of "maybe's" rolling about in his little heart. Anyway, if you don't know the song I mean, pause the blog music and listen to it here if you'd like:

17 years ago . . .

2009-10-02T20:10:00.003-05:00

It has been seventeen years since two high-schoolers in Humble, Texas, started "going out." How time flies! I'd post a homecoming picture from that week, but gosh-dernit I can't seem to find one!

Into the Wild-ish & Adoption Dreams

2009-09-27T18:54:00.010-05:00

Well, the third time is a charm, at least for zoo campouts, that is. This weekend we went to our 3rd "Zoofari" which is a Tulsa zoo event for its members where we get to pitch a tent and spend the night at the zoo. The first time we went it was horribly hot, the next time there were severe storms, but this time was perfect. It did get a little chilly (in the 50's overnight) but it was so nice throughout the evening. We were able to ride the train and the carousel, make smores, and explore the zoo by flashlight. They had stations set up with the docents where we were able to meet and learn about a snake. Brooks also colored a giraffe mask to wear.

It was also really neat to be able to see the animals first thing in the morning. The cheetas are usually very elusive, but they were content to chill out and have their breakfast right out in the open. Even the zebras were unusually lively as they galloped around their enclosure pausing to stare at the people as if they were wondering what we were doing there so early. The lions are apparently very early risers as I began to hear them roaring at about 3 am! Maybe their new cubs were getting up in the middle of the night for attention! Brooks got some time on the payground before we had to break camp and get out before the Saturday crowds showed up. Needless to say, a zoo campout puts us on track to spend the rest of the weekend being lazy and enjoying some football.

* A complete aside: I took a break from publishing this post to go do our nighttime routine with Brooks. Although, I, like many moms, spend a good deal of time convinced that I am really botching this whole Mommy thing since I can't gather the energy (okay, the interest) to spend as much time playing Clone Trooper or Jedi Knight as Brooks would like. Or, because I realize that he didn't have a proper vegetable all weekend unless you count pizza sauce. Then, he saves me by telling me as I leave his room, "You love me too much!" Not possible, but how sweet to hear!

On the adoption front, we really aren't expecting news of any kind right now. We're 1 month into the 2-6 month wait for approval. We are now starting to focus on learning what we will be able to do to help our son adjust and bond when we come home. Every child and every family have different experiences, but what we do know is that he will need a lot of time and patience as we recreate that infant bonding experience with him. He will need to test and have proven to him again and again that we will be there to meet his needs (sounds familiar from Brooks's infant days!). He will need to know that we aren't leaving him; that this family is forever. I predict that it will seem odd at first to us and to those watching us that he has to be "babied" so much, but the holding, swaddling, etc that we didn't have with him as an infant will need to be recreated when he comes home.

As most of us in this adoption journey do, I always read other families' blogs to glean from their experiences and insight. I always wondered how so many people seemed to have dreams related to their adoptions--I'm just not the "got" a message in a dream" type. I still don't claim to be getting any messages, but I've now spent 2 nights having dreams about the adoption. In one, my "wishful thinking" dream, I received a middle-of-the-night phone call from Rwanda in which a man named Fernando (don't know where that came from!) informed me that we'd be recieving our approval letter the next day via email. I agrued with him that we hadn't been waiting long enough to which he just replied "congratulations!" and hung up. Then, last night, I dreamed that I received another call, this time from a young woman named June, who said she was a caregiver at the orphanage and she was playing right next to our son. I asked her how this could be since I didn't know our referral yet and she said they had read our file and just knew that this little boy was right for us. She said he was 27 months old and would I like to talk to him? I told her I didn't want to get his hopes up in case the official referral didn't come through. This dream was complete with clear images of June sitting in a room with another caregiver while a little boy played at her feet. So, now I am one of those whose waking and sleeping moments are consumed with thoughts of our son. Any dream interpreters out there?

Are you ready for some football?!?!

2009-09-10T18:49:00.024-05:00

Three seasons ago we made the long drive from Tulsa to Austin for the Ohio State game and the Texas A&M game; it has taken this long to be willing to attempt it again. It is a very long drive and after a loss it is even worse. However, we figured that an older Brooks (with a newly developed Star Wars obsession and DVD player) combined with a game against the University of Louisiana-Monroe might work out better for us. So, Chris said he wanted to go to Austin and the game for his b-day and off we went.

IT WAS GREAT! We had heard so much about the Lake being very low that we had given up on the idea of getting in the water, but after quite a hike over the rocks we were able to get to the water(for those of you who've been to the Lake house; check out the pictures!).

Making it even better was the fact that Aunt Terri and Uncle Ronnie were there and let us take out their jet skis. This was a first for myself and Brooks, and we both had a blast. Brooks swam around in the lake like a fish. He was so much more comfortable and relaxed than in the pool--go figure! Sorry, Aunt Terri, about all the splashing in the face! In fact, we had so much fun that we lost all concept of our carefully planned schedule (so sorry Cameron--we WILL see you next time!). But we were able to get in a visit with Chris and Alaina Hanson and their adorable little girl, Olivia. Here you can see Brooks is already making little girls run!

We had a leisurely lunch at The Oasis and realized that we were supposed to be somewhere--Oh yeah, the game. After some nervous moments looking for a ticket for Brooks, a nice gentleman one section over sold us one for $20 on the condition that we promise that we didn't send Brooks to sit with him. Brooks was tired, but he did really well and looked too cute!

We were able to make it to Kelli and Erin's new place in Kingsland in time to help with the last moving truck and spend a few short hours visiting and playing with Lance. I think this photo is so funny because of Brooks's mouth. Apparently it is ingrained in our human DNA to open our own mouth when feeding a baby. Soon after this picture, I hear Brooks tell Lance, "You know what would make you a big boy? Learning to feed yourself." This sunset photo is at a scenic overlook on the way to their house.

We intended to stop at the Dallas zoo for a break, but instead we saw a road sign for this dinosaur place and stopped and had a great time. We then took the wrong fork of I35 and went to Fort Worth instead of Dallas, but that even turned out great because there was a Salt Grass on the way back into Dallas which we had been hungry for all weekend.

So, a great weekend full of unexpected fun and a UT win!

Then after a short recovery week it was an evening under the Friday night lights of Oklahoma for the "Backyard Brawl" between Union and Jenks High Schools. Let me give you an idea of why this Oklahoma game was "Texas" sized. These two teams are ranked 1 and 2 in the state; between them they share the last 14 state titles; they moved the game to TU's stadium because almost 20,000 people show up! For a high school game! Anyway, Brooks had fun--we're down a few articles of clothing (Note: Red face paint does NOT wash out of clothes and it itches little boy's noses!)

Adoption update: Nothing to tell; please just pray for a quick approval and protection for our son, whoever and wherever he is. To be honest, I was trying to not think about how long the 6 monthish wait could be when all of a sudden my thought process reversed. I MIGHT ONLY HAVE 6 MONTHS TO GET READY FOR THIS CHILD! When I began to think about all I would be doing if I were pregnant and bringing home a baby, I began to realize that 6, even 9 months, isn't that long. Of course, I'd gladly accept an even shorter waiting time (if anyone in Rwanda is reading!)! However, I want to enjoy these last few months with Brooks as my only; I want to close out this time of ours by having all the fun in the world! A side note here: We pulled him out of Pre-K so ignore those first day pics--I'll take more next year! He's my baby and I'm going to enjoy him for a little longer.

Also, I was touched by a blog post of another family going through this process: read the post at, http://hunterandadrianne.blogspot.com/2009/09/god-is-so-good.html. It gently and eloquently addresses the tendency I feel from people to treat adoption as being given the chance to "pick" your child. What if he is mentally or developmentally delayed? What of he has a genetic disorder you didn't know about? What if he disrupts your family?
Are are we asking for these things? Of course not. Could they happen? Of course. Just like they could happen if I was pregnant. God is going to place our son in our family--God knew our son and all his days when He knit him together in the womb, even if it wasn't my womb. We will love him and all the good and bad that comes with him, just like we do with Brooks, no matter what.

Tempus Fugit

2009-08-25T20:38:00.007-05:00

Then followed that beautiful season... Summer....
Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape
Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Well, it seems as if summer has come to an end and with its end has come a new beginning in our home. Brooks started Pre-K at Grissom Elementary School. It turns out that they are about the only school on the Tulsa area that has a 1/2 day program (2:45 hrs), so I put in for an out-of-district transfer so he could go there. The first week is absolutely kicking our rears! Mommy and Brooks rarely see the clock during the 6 am hours, but his school starts at 7:50 across town so it's "rise and shine" for us.

Brooks has yet to admit he likes anything about school. He adamantly insists that he will "Never, ever have fun anywhere y'all aren't." We're thinking of making him sign a contract about that and the fact that he and his family are going to always live with us when he grows up! Somehow I don't think teenager Brooks is going to have trouble having fun without us-we'll enjoy it while we can.

On the adoption front: BIG PROGRESS! Our dossier is now in the hands of the Rwandan Ministry. Now all we can do is wait. Most approvals are now taking 4-6 months with referrals (them choosing your child) taking another 2. We are spending our time planning our trip to Rwanda. Please pray for steady progress and quick approval. And, more importantly, pray for our son as he waits for us.

Here are some pictures of the first day of school and an album of just a few of my favorite summer photos.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Moving right along . . . (Very Long Post!)

2009-08-01T16:51:00.027-05:00

Well, perhaps the most important compilation of papers I have ever held is now on a Fed Ex plane headed to Washington D.C. If all goes well our dossier will arrive to The Assistant Stork courier service on Monday. On Tuesday, they will then take the documents to the U.S. Department of State to be authenticated (they've already been notarized locally and authenticated at the OK Secretary of State). Steve from the Assistant Stork will wait while the authentications are done and then hand-deliver the package to the Embassy of Rwanda. He will return to pick up the documents (which need yet another seal from the embassy) and, hopefully, our Letter of Recommendation from the Embassy. The embassy has stated that they will only need 8 working days for their part, but you never know--I've heard of it going faster and slower for different folks. He will then FedEx Overnight everything back to us and we will send it to Rwanda!

In the meantime, I am going to use this post to do what I think will be my one and only "history lesson" regarding Rwanda's history in regards to the genocide. This is not because I don't feel that we shouldn't all be learning, teaching, and remembering such events, but because I want to use this blog to focus on the amazing, exciting miracle that takes place any time a child is brought into a family. That said, Rwanda has a powerful history that most of us only vaguely recall.

Most of the first comments I hear when someone asks what country we're adopting from sound something like this: "Oh, isn't that where they had that really bad . . ." "Is that the place where all those people died . . ." "Isn't that where the, oh you know, the . . ." Yes, the word you are searching for is "genocide" and if we as a nation, as a people, as a government, hadn't been afraid to use the word in 1994, it might not have escalated the way it did.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." — Edmund Burke

Rather than state all the facts surrounding the genocide, I am going to give you my few brief thoughts and share a blog post (with permission of its author). I will also give some links and books/movies that warrant the attention of anyone who wants to inform themselves. There are also two short videos for you to play.

The most stunning facts that I have uncovered during all my reading are the following:
1) Rwanda's population was, by definition, decimated (10%+ of the population killed) in only a 3 month time period. Many current estimates put the number of dead at over 1.1 million.
2) This killing represents the most efficient killing of humans at any time in modern history other than the Hiroshima/Nagasaki atomic bombs.
3) World leaders, including those in the US, Great Britain, and China were all warned explicitly in time to prevent the genocide. World leaders that were complicit in ignoring the warnings included all members of the UN security council. However, in an effort to avoid having to legally get involved, the countries mentioned refused to use the actual term "genocide" because UN statues would have compelled intervention. Instead they used terms such as "Acts of Genocide." Also delaying US intervention in the genocide was the government's inability to agree with the UN and other nations about who should foot the bill for the vehicles, etc. Help is expensive--lives in Rwanda just weren't worth absorbing the costs. Shocking to me was the blatant lack of empathy by figures such as Madeleine Albright, known as a daughter of the Holocaust, and Kofi Annan, fellow African and head of UN Peacekeeping at the time. Both have expressed remorse over their lack of actions, but in such "official"type statements that the sincerity of their acceptance of responsibility doesn't strike me as being very convincing. William Clinton, has since repeatedly and, it seems, sincerely apologized and admitted to his administration's gross mishandling of the situation. The French were complicit in the genocide, providing arms, supplies, and money to the Hutu Power regime. As a result, there seems to be a fairly blatant hatred for the French in Rwanda and a deliberate effort to convert to an Anglophile country and away from a Francophile. For instance, public schools and signage only feature Kinyarwandan and English.
4) Much of the genocide was fueled within the country by the extreme power if propaganda via radio broadcasts which dehumanized the Tutsis by calling them "cockroaches" and calling for their "extermination."

"Words—so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them." Nathaniel Hawthorne

It bothers me on some level to think what was happening to Rwanda while I happily picked out a prom dress and looked forward to high school graduation. It bothers me more that I attended one of the more "liberal" and diverse universities in the country and heard nothing on campus about Rwanda. None of my "socially conscious" professors in classes such as history, psychology, "Contemporary Moral Problems", etc. tried to open our eyes to what was happening on the other side of the world. We gathered in droves in the months and years after the Rwandan genocide to mourn the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing (rightfully so) and to watch the O.J. verdict come down (not so rightfully so), but never learned of Rwanda. Could it be that Rwanda doesn't have oil or gold or a strategic location? Could it be that when Clinton (and America) said "If the horror of the Holocaust taught us anything, it is the high cost of remaining silent and paralyzed in the face of genocide," we really meant that it would never happen again to people who share our skin color, our political allies, or our beliefs?

Before I move on to share with you some of the information I have gathered, let me conclude by clarifying that I believe that the United States is the greatest nation on Earth. I believe that as a nation--both through the government and as individuals--we do more for humanity than anyone. I believe that as a whole we are good, caring people. I also believe that we as a people consistently elect good, caring people to lead us. But, having pride in American cannot blind us to our mistakes or we will repeat them--again and again. We can't save everyone, can't prevent every famine, can't stop every civil war; but we can intervene in every genocide, every time, regardless of the political implications, and certainly, regardless of what the UN thinks.

I have contacted Mark D. Jordahl, the author of a blog for permission to copy his words here. I think he is able to capture some of my thoughts more eloquently than I can, and he has a first hand perspective. Here are his thoughts after visiting Rwanda:
"I'm rarely at a loss for words. We've been back a week, though, and I still don't know what to write. What is there to say that hasn't already been said? It was important to visit the memorials - it made it feel so much more personal and brought the scale of it home to us. At the memorial centre in Kigali, more than 250,000 of the 1 million victims are buried, and more are added each year as their remains are found.

This genocide was different from the others in this century. And there have been far too many in the last 100 years. The memorial in Kigali (www.kigalimemorialcentre.org) has a section dedicated to the genocides in Germany (6 million), Turkey/Armenia (1.5 million), Bosnia (200,000), Cambodia (2 million) and Namibia (65,000). And those are just the ones that were selected for the memorial.

The difference is that those others were perpetrated by governments using their militaries or other tools of the state to do the killing. In Rwanda, the masterminds of the genocide got their fellow Hutu citizens to rise up against their neighbors in an incredibly brutal way. How do you do that? I believe that in any society there is a small percentage of people who are waiting for any opportunity to kill. On the other end of the spectrum, there is a small percentage who will NEVER kill, no matter what. Then the vast majority lie in the middle. What does it take to get those millions of people in the middle to become mass murderers? And this isn't killing at a distance - this is chopping people up with a machete and throwing babies at walls.

The leaders wanted it to be this way. They wanted everyone to be complicit so that nobody could point fingers. They were after group guilt. And it was hard work. 10,000 people per day were killed for 100 days. There were times when the genocidaires would lock a bunch of people in a church and when they got tired from killing, they would cut their victims' achilles tendons so they couldn't run away. This allowed the killers to get a good nights sleep and know that their victims would still be there in the morning so they could continue.

I won't even go into detail on the extent to which the international community holds some of the responsibility here. The French were arming the genocidaires. The Belgians set up the Hutu/Tutsi divide in the first place (contrary to media reports, this was not a “tribal war” that had been going on for hundreds of years. Hutu and Tutsi were more like class distinctions, and people could move between groups as their fortunes waxed and waned. There was plenty of intermarriage, and before the Belgians came up with a system of identity cards, many people didn't even know who was a Hutu and who was a Tutsi). Some say that the number of foreign and UN troops that arrived to evacuate ex-pats would have been enough to put a stop to the genocide. Even the regular UN troops that were stationed there were instructed not to intervene. Then the UNHCR and Red Cross refugee camps that were set up in Congo to house the fleeing genocidaires and surviving Tutsis became bases for continued raids on Tutsi communities and also indirectly funded the continued assaults. The Hutu leaders in the camps would take the food that was provided, sell it, and buy more arms. Even when it was safe in Rwanda for Tutsis to return, the Hutu leaders wouldn't allow them to leave the camps because they were such important bases for them. If you want to learn more, a very fascinating book is We Wish to Inform you that Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families.

What amazes me most, though, is that this is a country focused on reconciliation, not vengeance. We sat down with a married couple in a village. She was a Tutsi who had lost most of her family in the genocide. He was one of the killers and had spent 9 years in prison where he met a priest who was creating “Unity Villages”. Did I mention that this man had killed six members of that priest's family.

Rwanda is not trying to pretend this didn't happen. There are memorials everywhere, village-level courts to try perpetrators, articles in the newspaper on a daily basis. It is a living conversation. It is group therapy on a national level. Imagine the impact if it was kept quiet and people weren't allowed or encouraged to talk about it. I was in the back area, behind the memorial in Kigali, and heard screaming. There was an incredibly distraught school girl who had just come out from an educational session. I can only imagine the memories she was reliving. The thing that was most poignant to me about the situation is that there were mattresses out back where she was flailing around. Not only is it accepted that people have powerful emotions to process around this, but mattresses are provided to give you a place to do it. That mattress might be the most lasting image for me of the entire trip. It reminds me that this is real, that it happened to real people, and that real people are still living the trauma of it.

I don't think we can keep genocides from starting, but I would like to think that the international community could stop providing arms to the perpetrators, we could step in even when the victims aren't white, and we could set some very low bar for intervention. Maybe we could say “anytime more than 10,000 innocent civilians are killed in a place, troops will be sent in just to calm things down until we can figure out what is going on.”

One thing is for sure - when the world said “Never Again” after the Holocaust, we didn't really mean it. It has happened again, it is happening again in Darfur and Nigeria and probably other places I am not aware of, and it will happen again in the future, particularly as resources get more scarce and the population continues to grow." http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Rwanda/Ville-de-Kigali/blog-378042.html

Another good travel blog post can be found at: http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Rwanda/Ville-de-Kigali/Kigali/blog-337397.html

This travel blog site as some great posts and wonderful photos of Rwanda: http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Rwanda/blogs-page-1.html

Finally, if you haven't already seen Hotel Rwanda, I do recommend it. The best book, by a long mile, that I have read about the Rwandan genocide is We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow We Will be Killed with Our Families. Also incredibly touching and almost unfathomable are the stories of forgiveness in As We Forgive. I plan to read Shake Hands with the Devil, written by the man who inspired Nick Nolte's character in Hotel Rwanda. Both As We Forgive & Shake Hands with the Devil have also inspired films, but I have not seen them yet. Finally, I also enjoyed The Bishop of Rwanda which has a forward by Rick Warren.

I leave you with two of the many videos which can be found on YouTube to give you a brief glimpse into the horror of the genocide. Please pause the blog music before continuing (just look on the left side of the blog and hit the pause button). Some of the images in these videos are disturbing and graphic. The longer one (the second) contains many quotes and facts; I would click the pause buttonwhen a quote appears if you want to read each one because they move quickly. The shorter video (the first one) is more about the images and a powerful song fom Wyclef Jean.

Our 4th of July "Stay"cation!

2009-07-04T17:05:00.012-05:00

We hope you all had a great 4th of July Weekend! Chris mentioned really wanting to take advantage of his 3-day weekend, but we didn't want to have the time and expense of a long drive, so we had ourselves a fun "stay"cation here in Tulsa.

The local Radisson here has a great indoor "water park" that proved to be the perfect size for Brooks. The water was all less than 3 feet deep, but the slides were big enough to be fun for the 10 year olds (and the occaisional parent)! So, we spent a ton of time in the pools and we also saw two movies, went bowling and saw the fireworks! All in all, a great weekend!

Adoption Update: It is going to be a very busy 2-3 weeks as we get all our final dossier documents notarized, have our medical exams, go for our FBI fingerprinting appointment, and mail everything off to DC for final authentication. PLEASE share this prayer request with anyone you know that knows us: I really need the encouragement of getting this dossier to Rwanda by my end of August goal. It is really the last part that I can pretend I have any control over. For this to happen, our fingerprints need to be accurate the first time, OK USCIS has to issue our I171 approval quickly, the US Dept. of State needs to authenticate all our documents, and MOST importantly, the Rwandan Embassy in D.C. needs to give us their seals and letter of "non-objection."

I am beginning to see that the Rwandan side of this will probably take longer, perhaps much longer, than we had originally hoped. They are receiving more dossiers in a month than they did all last year. They have to be careful and diligent to protect the children, and I have a feeling they are just plain swamped. It doesn't make the waiting easier, but I do understand. It just really makes me want to do everything I can on my end to get it all done correctly and efficently--I don't want to be the cause of our delays!

Disneyworld!

2009-06-02T20:17:00.000-05:00

Well, we've been home a bit now but I am now sufficiently recovered from our Disney vacation to post some pictures. We all had a blast at Disneyworld. This was the first trip for both me and Brooks. We really vacationed hard and honestly hit just about every attraction and show! Brooks spent all the time in line for every single ride trying to convince us that he didn't want to go on this one because it was too scary/too boring/too loud/too dark/or he had to go potty right now, but he came off every ride with a huge smile saying how much he liked it. He really had a great time with everything and since we've been back he has been playing roller coaster on his bike and in the car down every hill we drive down. When we first started researching Disney and all the characters we would meet, we were at first worried that it would be all princesses and not enough "boy" stuff, but as you can see Brooks got to meet Power Rangers, Star Wars Characters, Peter Pan, Pirates, and more! (Not that Brooks doesn't love princesses, too! In fact, he has not forgotten to tell anyone about having lunch in Cinderella's castle; do you think she often takes pictures with little guys in Superhero facepaint?) Besides Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Railroad, Brooks even rode the Tower of Terror! It's one of those 13-story drops, but this one is combined with the opening and closing of giant doors along the side of the "hotel" as your "elevator" starts and stops its drops without warning. His favorite ride was the Buzz Lightyear game where you sit in a car and shoot lasers at arcade style aliens. I think we went on that 6 or 7 times. He also loved Haunted Mansion and the Astro Orbitor. "Turtle Talk with Crush" was so much cuter than I expected. Crush echoed my almost constant refrain with Brooks when he singled Brooks out and told him to "focus, little dude." Then Brooks raised his hand to ask a question and when the microphone was put in front of him, Brooks asked the following question, "Apple." This, of course, apparently made perfect sense to the preschool crowd and inspired the next little girl's question, "Bathtub." Crush admitted he was "A little confused by these one-word questions!" Brooks enjoyed meeting all the characters, but the highlight of his autograph quest came when he met Mulan. The boy wore a silly, stupid grin and her lipstick kiss on his cheek for the rest of the afternoon. It rained hard every day, but in the end that really helped keep the heat at bay. We just donned our ponchos and put Brooks in his "Disneymobile" (the stroller with the rainhood) and waited. The only day it was really miserable was the night we had to just sit in the rain for over an hour waiting for the Fantasmic show which they kept reminding us--may or may not be cancelled. Brooks took the time to make shapes with his glow bracelets, cleverly coming up with this Disney inspired creation. Luckily for us, the show went on and it was great. Our hotel was amazing, we could sit on our balcony and watch zebras, giraffes, ostrichess, and other animals just yards away from us. You can see here the way Brooks "rode" home almost every night. Brooks is already talking about "next time" when he goes back with his brother! Here is a slide show of many more of our photos (believe it or not these aren't all of them!) You can use the arrow to scroll through at your own pace--they are in no particular order; if you're patient there are some really good pics in here! There is no music with the slideshow, so you can keep the blog music on if you want to; I've added music from Brooks's favorite Disney shows to the playlist. As they said at Disney--Celebrate Today!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

At the beach!

2009-05-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

We recently returned from a great trip. Chris had to travel to Jackson, MS and Tampa, FL for work, so we tagged along as we always do. We had a great time. Brooks really loves the beach and would play there all day. He enjoyed jumping over the waves and playing in the sand. He was very daring and would go too far if we let him. The Tampa zoo is amazing--and we know zoos we've been to 11 or 12 of them! They have great animals that you see very up-close, and they have rides like a little roller coaster. They also have a several splash areas and a ride that takes you behind the scenes into the animal areas. We got stuck behind a stubborn ostrich and had to wait for a handler to come move him. Believe it or not, I was a little afraid then due to our last up-close and personal encounter with ostriches at a drive-through safari! Despite an excruciating sunburn that I managed to get on day 1, we all had a great time. The food was also really great. Us landlocked people don't get the freshest seafood 2 seafood meals on the beach were awesome. Then we also took my dad's recommendation and ate at the Columbia in Ybor city and it was so good. I finally got some good Yucca, now I'm eager to get to the Cuban restaurant in Orlando in a couple weeks. Finally, we took a pirate cruise! It was absolutely wonderful and fun. The "pirates" were so fun and led the kiddos in all sorts of games, treasure hunts, and water gun fights. Then, the captain found a group of dolphins and we had dolphins swimming right along side us. On our way there and back we were able to stop over in Little Rock and go to one of our favorite Children's Museums, the amazing park, and eat at the Flying Fish. If you haven't been to the Little Rock Riverfront lately, you should go. We love visiting there! It really was a good trip, and I can't say that I'm happy to be home. I'd just as soon stay there (in Tampa, not Jackson!). Enjoy the pictures!

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. Lao-Tzu

2009-04-30T18:57:00.000-05:00

Brooks is getting a brother! We would like to share with you all some exciting news. We have started the official process of adopting a child from Rwanda. We look forward to having a second little boy who will come to live with us at the age of 2-3. We are very excited and hope that you will share in the excitement of this process with us. In adoption circles they refer to this as a “paper pregnancy.” I’m hoping I get to eat unlimited quantities of chips and guacamole this time around, too!

We have always thought about international adoption, but always thought we would be adopting a little girl, probably from China. However, we both feel that God has found our child for us in Rwanda. As the months go on I will post information about our progress in this long process and information about Rwanda itself. For now, I will answer some of the first questions people usually ask us.
* Yes, as far as we know, we could have another biological child. We feel that God has chosen this path for our family. We know that this is not the path He chooses for most families, but we are confident in this decision.
* We are not adopting an infant because we think that we are given a unique opportunity through adoption to space our boys the way that we feel is best for our family.
*We are not using an agency. We are doing what is called an “independent” adoption; we will have an attorney in Kigali helping us.
* Rwanda is not a popular adoption country, so the process is not always clearly defined. The Rwandan side of things appears to be very efficient, but there are few examples to follow. We will learn as we go, but nothing is certain in any adoption, so plans can drastically change along the way.
* The process appears to take those who have been through it anywhere from 6-12 months. There are many steps that must occur independently of one another and any one of them can cause a delay.
* The plan is for all three of us to travel to Rwanda to pick up our new son.

I will post a timeline here that I will update continuously so that you can see our steps as we progress through the process.

Finally, please pray for us in the following areas:
* For patience, this can be a long, emotional process. Our son is, at this very moment, living away from us on the other side of the world. It is highly likely he is in an orphanage or experiencing very hard times with his biological family from whom by some circumstances he will soon be parted. This is a heart wrenching notion if we truly dwell on it. Pray that we can experience the excitement of the process and be patient and wait, knowing that our timing is not always God’s timing.
* For all those who process our various petitions, applications, etc. Pray for speed and favorable determinations.
* For Brooks as we prepare him for this major change.
* For our new son as he lives in Rwanda. Please pray that if he is in the orphanage he stays well and nourished. Pray that if he is still with his biological family, that he form bonds, memories, and impressions that he can carry with him throughout his life. Pray for peace for his biological family, especially his parents if they are living, that they might know that he will be loved and cared for. Pray that he not see too much suffering with his young eyes, and that he not feel alone as he waits for us.
*For our families and friends as they prepare their hearts to welcome a new child through adoption.

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.But those who make their journey home across time & miles,growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.--- Kristi Larson

Check back soon as I publish some information about Rwanda. For now here is a touching video (you'll want to pause the music now playing before you play the video!):

Happy 4th Birthday, Brooks!

2009-04-18T16:43:00.000-05:00

Our baby is four years old! We can hardly believe it has been four years since Brooks took us from being a couple to being a family. It seems like yesterday and yet so much has happened since then. Brooks has grown into a smart, affectionate, energetic, opinionated, and beautiful little boy. His baby face allows us the luxury of thinking he is still a baby, but we know he is all little boy!
Brooks’s world is a fantastical imaginary land filled with Superheroes and “Bad guys”, pirates, and knights. He loves to pretend! He also soaks up knowledge as quickly as we teach him and often surprises us by using rather sophisticated language (and using it properly even if he doesn’t say the beginning “s” sound!)
We have celebrated his birthday 3 times this year (living away from home as its advantages in the birthday party department!). Brooks was able to squeeze in a sports themed party with Nana and PawPaw, a pirate party with Mimi and Grandpa, and a Superhero party with his friends. At his party the kids had fun decorating their own Superhero capes and ridding the gameroom of all bad guys!
We know the next year holds many exciting things for Brooks, we can’t wait to see how he grows and changes with each passing day. Enjoy the slide show below highlighting the best pictures from Brooks’s fourth year. The song on the playlist "You're Gonna Be" by Reba is dedicated to Brooks from Mommy.

Easter 2009

2009-04-12T19:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I can't say that it was a beautiful Easter weather-wise; leaving church Brooks asked, "Is Easter always a cold day?" We had rain and 50 degrees, so our Easter egg hunting took place indoors! On the positive side, this arrangement did allow for Easter egg hunting in Batman pajamas. The Pawlak's are here with us this year, and we've had a fun weekend. And, yes he did dye eggs in his underpants--you're lucky, he prefers to go au naturel!Enjoy the pictures!

"Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there." ~Clarence W. Hall

2009-04-07T21:16:00.000-05:00

This is an account of the moments--big and small--that make our ever-changing, ever-evolving life as a family always remain exactly as we imagine even if we don't know all the detours we'll take along the way!

Big changes have occurred in our lives over the last few years--some of them taking us away geographically from our loved ones and friends. This blog will help us keep in touch, and give us a way to share with you some of the exciting changes and events we anticipate over the next year!

"Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul." Thomas Moore