Thursday, February 18, 2010

A whiny, self-indulgent, emotional post

If you happen to be one of the people in my life who usually hear from me often and you've begun to wonder if I've fallen off the edge of the earth. Or maybe you think I'm mad at you, I'm not. I just don't want to talk about IT. I cannot properly express the sense of helplessness that comes with every new setback and delay. It makes me feel so silly to get excited and report that it should be this week, etc, etc and then just have it not happen AGAIN. It's not that I don't think you care--I know you do. It's just that there are really only a handful of people that can really understand.

I'm not a week past my due date in a pregnancy--I've been there--the baby can only stay in so long.

I'm not trying to get pregnant for a year--I've been there--that baby while longed for didn't yet exist, in an orphanage, across the world.

I know that this will too be resolved, but there is no way of knowing when or what it is going to take.

This just really, really sucks. Just because I've stopped letting you know all the updates doesn't mean I'm taking it well. I just can't talk about it--so I'm avoiding the conversations. Thanks for letting me.

Those of you who've known me for most of my life know I'm not an outwardly emotionally expressive person. I now tear up constantly. It's somewhat embarrassing for me. I can only handle so much.

So, it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, but I just can't talk about it right now.


HB said...

Hey Kristy,
I'm praying for you guys right now and I'm also praying that you will be able to be one of "those few people who understand" for another family in the future who is going through the waiting process like you are now. God can use it all for good.
Hang in there.

The Shadricks Love said...

Hi Kristy,
I can totally understand where you are coming from. We have been waiting 4 months just to find out if 2 specific children we hope to adopt will have papers to make them legally free. It seems like it is always "we will know in 2 weeks..." I have been posting lots about my up and down emotions dealing with this. I totally get where you are - you aren't alone. I told my husband the other day that it feel like we took a pregnancy test 4 months ago - and still don't have the results. I will keep checking back on you. Thanks for sharing your feelings.