Friday, September 5, 2014

Different but the same...

We leave for China in in just over 29 hours.

We leave for China in just over 29 hours!


So, how do I feel? Pretty much the same way I did at 9 months pregnant with Brooks, and the same way I did just before leaving for Africa. And totally different at the same time. Each time I've come to a point where I know everything is about to change and there is no going back. But just like every child, each experience is different.

Brooks was the first. Everything was new and exciting and scary. I knew everything and nothing at the same time. I had the luxury of time. Time to sit in a chair and rock and cuddle and just stare at him for hours on end. And I spent the better part of the next 5 years giving him undivided time and attention.

Then the crazy whirlwind beginning that Blaise had in our family should have signaled the craziness that he would bring to our family.  From the moment my gut and my heart told me to go get him NOW and I hopped on a plane on a days notice--alone--Blaise and I have been on a crazy ride.  Time isn't a luxury when you bring home a feisty almost 3-yr old who speaks no English. And if I thought I'd figured out anything about motherhood, Blaise showed me how little I really knew when it comes to parenting a child from a hard place. I did it wrong...all wrong. I just didn't know.

Now, we sit on the verge of adding a third. A little girl to our very, very boyish home. Another child from "a hard place". A child with some big unknowns associated with her special needs. Everything is going to be different again. There is even less time. There are now 3. And they are home schooled. It is going to be hard. But this time I know, right? I've read the books; attended the trainings; even met Dr. Purvis. It'll be fine, right? I hope so. I know I'll find all new mistakes to make, but maybe I can do better.

What is my biggest fear? Her grief. Blaise walked away from the orphanage and everyone and everything in it and never looked back. He attached to no one. Meili has had a foster mama and baba; they are all she knows. I cannot imagine the terror and fear she is going to feel.  I hope they are preparing her.

So, anyway, we are mostly packed and ready to go. I know I've forgotten something (s). At this point I just hope it's something I can replace there (I've been terrified of forgetting shoes--size 10 women's might not be so common there)!

We will be traveling and sight-seeing a week before heading to Changsha, Hunan, to meet our Meili. I will blog and post pictures as I can. I hope you will follow our journey here!

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